Heavy In Your Arms
by monalisasmadhatters
Summary: After 16 years of searching for her soul mate Santana Lopez had finally found her, only to lose her in one day. Struggling to put the pieces of her life back an old face from her past shows up, making Santana question who she really had loved all along.
1. Chapter 1

Santana/Quinn.

After sixteen years of searching for her soul mate Santana Lopez had finally found her, only to lose her in one day. Takes place a few years after graduation, and the rating may change, so I hope you like! Read and review please!

* * *

><p>The alarm clock buzzed again loudly as the bright red numbers changed to twenty past seven, Santana clumsily slinging her arm towards her side table and letting her hand smack the clock angrily until she stopped the noise. She had watched it tick by all night as the numbers had clicked away, every change in time reminding her that somehow life was still going on. She pushed herself up and sat on the edge of her bed, still clad in her wrinkled black dress as she stumbled towards her bathroom.<p>

As she flicked on the light Santana caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and stared, her eyes taking in her haggard reflection as she glared through herself. Her hair was everywhere and a tangled mess, loose curls mangled together and sticking in every different direction as they intertwined and knotted. Her eyes were still red and swollen as mascara stuck in her eyelashes, smeared black smudges littering the bags underneath as trails of black decorated her cheeks. She looked paler and sullen as she ran her fingers down her cheeks, her reflection almost too much to bear as she sighed.

_"Baby you look great," she smiled sweetly._

_"Of course you would say that, you would tell me that even if I was wearing a trash bag."_

_"Because you're stunning in anything, trash bags included! You'd be like Kesha or something!"_

_"Brittany, I swear," Santana laughed as she shook her head, her eyes refocusing back on her outfit as she groaned, "I don't know, this dress just isn't working. Maybe I'll change into the red one."_

_"Fine, but you're gonna run out of dresses and then be left with nothing…hey, you know that could work…" Brittany trailed off seductively while wrapping her arms around her girlfriend._

_"Hey now come on, we have to leave in like, twenty minutes."_

_"Then you're gonna have to dress in the car," the blonde grinned as she linked her hands in Santana's, tugging her girlfriend towards the bed as she smiled and giggled._

Santana shook her head as she twisted the knob on the sink, wondering to herself if Brittany would think she was beautiful even now. She knew the blonde would smile as her blue eyes twinkled and would say something to lift her spirits high, Santana wondering if she'd ever be able to feel that good about herself again. She ran her hands under the cool water and splashed her face as she tried and failed to wake herself up, knowing no amount of water would wash away the nightmare she was living. As she turned to grab her hand towel she noticed the other side of the bathroom, everything still in place the way Brittany had left it.

Her pink toothbrush sat in the holder by her own while her sparkly silver brush rested beside it, her perfume sitting uncapped just waiting for the blonde to return and use it. Santana had always fussed at Brittany about making sure she had sealed her bottles and things shut before leaving, her hands always seeming to knock the other girl's things over far too many times a day. As she reached to place the cap on she stopped, not wanting to disturb Brittany's things or the way she had left them. She wasn't coming back for them she knew but Santana decided to leave them there as if she was, the idea somewhat comforting to her. Trying to snap herself out of her head she turned to the shower and pulled the curtain back, the smell of Brittany's body wash filling her senses as the perfume and memories with it overtook her once more.

_"You're gonna use up all the hot water!" she whined while tapping her foot and pounding on the bathroom door, "Other people have to shower too!" She heard a noise and was surprised to see Brittany open the door, strategically placed foam the only thing covering her wet body as she stood before Santana and grinned._

_"Then come join me!" she exclaimed happily as she pulled Santana into the shower, soaking her clothes and body head to toe while giggling the whole time._

_"Brittany!" Santana shouted through her laughter, trying to push the blonde away as water beat down on her face, "This isn't what I had in mind!"_

_"No, its better!" her girlfriend chuckled excitedly as she blew a handful of foam in the brunette's face, covering her in soapy kisses as she laughed and wiggled around._

Santana angrily shut the curtain back as tears filled her eyes, throwing open the bathroom door and running across her floor as she headed for the comfort of her bed. She couldn't do this, there was no way, Santana pulling the comforter over her head and sinking down into her sheets as she let out a painful breath. Everything ached and nothing would ever, could ever be ok again, Santana gasping for breath as she gripped her pillow.

Everyone in the world spent their whole lives looking and searching for their soul mates, dating this person and that person and scouring the Earth in the hopes of finding their other half. That one person who understands you, even when you don't, and knows you better than you know yourself. After sixteen years of searching Santana had been lucky enough to finally find hers, her one and only for the rest of her life, and in one day she had lost her forever.


	2. Chapter 2

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Santana groaned as her eyes fluttered open disoriented, wondering what the hell was making noises while she was trying to sleep.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Rolling over angrily she pulled down her covers as she squinted through the sunshine that shone into her room brightly, her hand on a mission to smash and end whatever the hell it was that was making that obnoxious goddamn noise.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

She sat up crookedly to see the blinking red light of her answering machine flashing, the bright repetitive flicker reminding her that she hadn't made contact with the rest of the world for a week. Santana groaned as she rolled over and tried to find an off switch, the motion causing her stomach to growl as she realized she had also forgotten about eating and showering as well.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

She grunted while grabbing the machine and smacking it needlessly in hopes of shutting it up, the continuous bleeping of the electronic causing her to curse several times as she beat it against her night stand. After a few more failed attempts at shutting the machine off she decided to let the messages run out while she tried to go back to sleep, hitting the blue play button and turning back over as she disappeared again beneath her covers.

_"Santana, its Rachel. Listen, I just wanted to call and see how you were. You left in the middle of the service today and I tried to stop by afterwards but I understand if you need to be alone. Please take care of yourself and let me know if you need anything at all ok? I love you San, and I'm here whenever you need me."_

Santana stared at the machine as Rachel's voice drifted away, thinking back to the service and trying to control the quivering of her lips as the images flashed in her mind. All the flowers and bright lights, the crowd that had gathered and the swarm of black that had surrounded her came back vividly as Santana replayed the memory, people having lined up to talk to her as she sat motionless in her pew. She hadn't even known half of their names as they shook her hand with sad faces and tear stained tissues, everyone apologizing and wishing her sweet things that she couldn't have cared less about. For no amount of "She'll be missed greatly," or "I'm sorry's," were gonna bring Brittany back, Santana's thoughts being interrupted as the next message played out with Kurt's high voice ringing in her ears.

_"Santana, its me. Listen doll I missed you this afternoon but I want you to know I love you alright? I'm here for any and everything, and you call me whenever ok? I hope to hear from you soon hun."_

The machine continued clicking through the rest of her messages as it played the same thing over and over, her mom and sister having called her after the funeral as well. Rachel and Kurt had left her a message everyday since then as they updated her on the life that was passing her by, Rachel letting her know her position was covered while Kurt tried to coax her into calling him, or anyone, back. Blaine had called once or twice too while Artie and Puck had left messages to check in as well, various other people from her and Brittany's work calling while random old friends from high school left their condolences on the tape. Each person seemed to leave the same message in a different format, Santana soon enough almost able to recite them verbatim. She continued to lay there and listen as the sweet words and helpful comments played over and over again in her bedroom, Santana finding herself completely numb to their pleas of hearing from her.

After the seventh message from Rachel Santana decided it was time to shut everything off and return to her cocoon of comfort and isolation under her sheets, reaching up to smack the answering machine once and for all when a knock on her front door caused her to stop in her tracks.

She lay there motionless as she listened intently for a voice to accompany the knock, Santana debating answering the door but quickly deciding against it as she scooted down between her covers. She knew it was probably Rachel or Kurt coming to make sure she still had a pulse and could appreciate their concern, Santana just unable to see them or anyone for that matter as she closed her eyes and pulled her blankets up. She knew they'd eventually get the hint and go away so she lay still and continued to listen to the messages as each one grew more and more concerned about her well being and whereabouts, Blaine's voice now ringing out as he tried to comfort his friend.

_"Santana its been a few days sweetie, and no one has heard from you. We understand what you're going through, but please let us know that you're alright, let us help you. We love you honey, so call me, or any of us back, ok?"_

"Well, at least we know you got the messages," she heard a familiar voice say as she opened her eyes to see Kurt looking at with his brow arched, the smaller boy standing in her doorway as his hands rested on his hips.

"Wha-how'd you get in?" Santana asked in confusion as she sat up to see Rachel and Blaine join him, the trio staring into Santana's room and at the mess that surrounded her as Kurt spoke up again.

"We picked the lock on your front door," he answered nonchalantly as he moved across the room to sit beside her on the bed, "Now you may not be able to lock it back again, but at least we're here and know you're still alive." Rachel nodded in agreement while Blaine offered her a simple smile, Santana knowing they were judging her as their eyes scanned the disheveled room.

"How've you been?" Rachel piped up as she surveyed her unkempt friend while smiling politely.

"Fine," Santana mumbled as she forced herself to answer, "But I'm tired and I'd like to go back to sleep."

"Santana please," Blaine interjected as he stepped forward, "Honey you need to get up and eat something ok? There's all that food downstairs and-"

"I'm not hungry," Santana snapped as she grew more and more annoyed with their insistence, trying to remind herself they only wanted to help as she wished for them to just leave, "I'm fine, just-please-"

"You have to be starving sweetie! Now look, I can run you a shower while Rachel fixes you something-"

"I told you I'm not hungry and I don't want a shower ok? Please guys-"

"But Santana sweetie you have to get up babe, you have to eat something, you can't-"

"Yeah doll face, and we're here to help with whatever so-"

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Santana shouted as the three of them stopped in their places as she stood up, the brunette running her hands through her hair as she screamed, "Just-Jesus just stop!" The group froze in their tracks as they eyed each other and then Santana, none of them moving or speaking for a moment as they tried to figure out what they should do.

"San-"

"No, just-just stop it, ok?" she pleaded with them exhaustingly as she fought back tears, "Just stop it, stop everything. Look I'm sorry that I'm not strong like you all are alright? That I can't just get over this and move on-"

"Oh sweetheart we're not asking you to, but San-"

"No, no you don't understand!" she cried out as she threw her hands down, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now!" Santana tried to catch her breath as her friends stared at her silently, the brunette fumbling with her words and feelings as she tried to speak.

"I-I had a life ok, I had goals and plans and all these ideas of things that I was gonna do, all the things I wanted and dreamed of were finally becoming real for me, after everything I had been through it was finally my turn," she said in exasperation as she remembered her previous life, "And then I wake up one day and everything I know has been ripped away from me in a second, everything I wanted and needed and knew was just gone. Do you have any idea what that's like? To just have everything you know and love taken from you in a moment?"

"Santana please," Blaine began as he put his hands up, "We're trying to understand-"

"You can't ok, you can't, because you don't know what this feels like, or what this is. I go to sleep at night and I dream of her and her smile and how she lit up everything around me," Santana whimpered as she shook her head, "And when I wake up I have to accept that she's gone over and over again, every morning. I'm alone now, and I have to pick up all these pieces by myself and change my life completely and I don't know how or what I'm supposed to do, and its taking me a bit to figure it all out ok?"

"Santana we realize that darling, we do-"

"Then stop it, please," Santana begged as her body fell limp, "Just leave me alone and let me deal with this the only way I know how, the only way I can right now. I've never had to-I don't know what to do, and I'm just trying to…" Her voice trailed off as she stared out of her window, tears streaking down her cheeks as she shook her head. She didn't know what she was trying to say or what she had meant to as she wiped her eyes, looking at her friends desperately as she sighed.

"Just please, please let me deal with this in my own way, let me figure this out." The trio remained silent as she turned back to her bed and pulled the covers back, crawling into the bed she would now have to sleep alone in as she caught her breath. Her silent tears were still running down her cheeks as a soft rustle of feet scooted across her floor, the sudden feel of six arms wrapping around her surprising her a bit as she nuzzled into them.

"We love you Santana, we do," Rachel whispered softly as she rested her forehead onto the brunette's, her friends all lightly pecking her gently and squeezing her hands before heading for the door, "Call us if you need…well, you know we're here." Santana remained silent as her friends all left her room finally, more than appreciative for their gesture but unable to process anything right now.

Santana rolled over and closed her eyes tightly as she tried to will herself to fall back to sleep, trying and failing to drift back into her dream world where Brittany was there and everything was ok. She laid there restless as her mind ran rampant with different ideas and thoughts, Santana growing more and more frustrated by the minute as she kicked beneath her sheets. She remembered the muscle relaxers she had kept from when Brittany had her wisdom teeth removed and quickly decided the solution to her problem was to pop one to help her fall asleep, Santana groaning as she pushed herself up and headed for her bathroom.

As she reached for the door she heard a knock echo throughout her house once more, groaning at the thought of Kurt or Rachel trying to baby her again. She had just gotten done explaining why she needed space and yet they were refusing to let her be, Santana now growing angrier and angrier as she bolted downstairs. She knew she would have to actually answer it this time or that the group would just wander into her house again, Santana not minding having to do so as she prepared to rip them apart.

"Look, I appreciate what you all are doing but-" Santana didn't have a chance to finish her sentence as the words got tangled and stuck in her throat as she stared at her front steps, the flash of blonde hair spinning around to face her causing her heart to practically leap out of her chest as her stomach swelled. She quickly realized though that it was anyone but the person she had been dying to see, her uplifted mood quickly disintegrating as she stared into the hazel eyes that had found her own after all this time.

"Hey San," Quinn whispered softly as she fidgeted in place, "It's good to finally see you."


	3. Chapter 3

I sincerely appreciate those reviews! Thank you all very much for the feedback and please continue to leave any and all kinds! As for the story I'm taking it slow with introducing Quinn and the backstory, seeing as it wouldn't be very believable to throw Santana into something with her so quickly after just losing Brittany. Stick with me, and this story that you've all so kindly been reading, and I promise you will love the direction! Anyhow thanks again and I hope you all like the new chapter! Read and review!

* * *

><p>Santana stared in bewilderment as she rubbed her eyes to make sure she was actually seeing correctly, moving her fingers down and out of view to see it was in fact Quinn Fabray on her doorstep. She was taller and tanner, her hair longer and a darker shade of dirty blonde as it fell carelessly in her eyes, the changes still having no affect on the light green that sparkled in her eyes as they stared into Santana.<p>

"Quinn?" Santana asked in confusion as she stepped back, her tone giving off an attitude that Quinn felt pierce her as she tensed up, "What-what are you doing here?'

"Why do you think San?" the blonde asked lowly as she stepped closer to the door, "I came to see you."

"Well you wasted your time," Santana shot back as she tried to close the door, "Because I don't wanna see you or anyone else for that matter, so you can just climb back on your high horse and head elsewhere."

"Santana please," Quinn tried to argue as she quickly moved towards the door, her hand shooting out and reaching for the brunette's pleadingly as she tried to get a word in, "Just-wait for a second-"

"Get of my doorstep, get out of my life," Santana snapped as she went to slam the door shut, the appearance of Quinn's fingernails on the frame barely stopping her as she halted suddenly, "Damn it Fabray-"

"Santana, stop it," Quinn said firmly as she glared into the brunette's eyes, no longer trying to be nice or subtle as she raised her tone, "Just give me one second."

"I don't need to give you anything except a firm kick in the ass off of my porch and out of my life," Santana spat flatly as she moved Quinn's hand off her doorframe, the blonde growing more and more frustrated as she tried to hold down her temper, "We don't have anything to say to one another, so take whatever God fearing speech you were about to make and give it to someone who gives a rat's ass-"

"That's not why I'm here Santana, my God would you just shut up so I can explain-"

"Screw you Fabray, you don't get to tell me what to do," Santana cut in as she went to slam the door once and for all, "So for the last time, get the fu-"

"I'm here because of Brittany," Quinn snapped loudly as she smacked her hand against the door, pushing her weight against it as she let her head fall, "I'm here, because, of Brittany." A silence fell between Quinn and Santana as the brunette rested against the other side of the door, her mind now running rampant as it wondered why and what Quinn knew about her Brittany.

"You're lying," Santana tried as she turned her head towards the open crack of her door, "You're just saying that so I'll let you in."

"Santana do you really think I'd come all this way just for you to yell at me if I didn't have a reason," Quinn fought back as she groaned, "I know how you feel about me, I'm not stupid." Santana continued debating what she should do as she cursed herself, her curiosity over what Quinn knew about Brittany overpowering her anger towards the girl as she pulled the door open.

"You get five minutes and then you're out."

"Can't I at least come in?" Quinn asked as she crossed her arms, "I mean I did come all this way." Santana rolled her eyes as she slid to her right, Quinn thanking her softly as she walked in slowly. She began surveying the house as her eyes shifted from the clothes on the floor to the covered food dishes that cluttered the counter, Santana obviously not having touched anything as the blonde ran her finger over the dinner table and removed a thick layer of dust.

"So how are you?" she asked gently as she turned around, Santana rolling her eyes as she leaned against her littered counter, "I mean how have you been-"

"Cut the shit Quinn, you don't care how I am and I don't care to tell you."

"I-I do care Santana," Quinn argued as she nodded her head, "I do. I know you're not exactly happy with me but that doesn't mean I don't care."

"Can you just get to the reason why you're here already?" Santana said as she ignored Quinn's comment, walking away and into her kitchen as she reached for a dirty glass from the sink.

"I-well, I'm here because of Brittany-"

"You said that already," Santana snapped as she washed the cup out quickly before reaching for her liquor cabinet, grabbing the almost empty bottle and uncapping it as she poured the remaining liquid in her cup, "Now explain what that means."

"It means that-wait, you're not gonna mix those are you?" Quinn asked concerned as she saw Santana reaching for a small medicine bottle, moving from her spot in the dining room and heading for the kitchen, "Santana what are you doing?"

"Relax Barbie, they're my sleeping pills ok?" Santana bit back as she uncapped the bottle and shook one into her hand, "I had them before Brittany's accident, so don't go assuming I'm suicidal or some shit."

"I don't think that Santana, but you shouldn't mix that with alcohol," Quinn said sternly as she reached the brunette and jerked the bottle away, Santana screaming as Quinn tried reading the label.

"The fuck?" she shouted as she tried grabbing them back, Quinn moving her back to the girl as she read the information, "God damnit Quinn-"

"Santana you can't mix this, its dangerous-"

"Seriously, are you fucking kidding me right now, give those back-"

"Santana no-"

"Fabray I'm not fucking kidding with you, now stop screwing around and give them back!" Santana screamed as she reached around the blonde who watched in shock, yanking her pills back and turning away so Quinn couldn't reach them.

"Santana calm down, just-just talk to me ok, just-"

"No, I don't want to, I don't have to!" she shouted angrily, "I don't owe you anything! God what are you even doing here? You can't make your best friends service but you just show up at her house?"

"I was at the service," Quinn shot back, "Just because I wasn't making a scene in the pews doesn't mean I wasn't there."

"Oh, ok, and no one saw you? Right, just tell me why you're here and get out," Santana said hotly as she sighed in exhaustion, wanting nothing more than for Quinn to leave so she could just fall back asleep.

"Balcony, last row, I sat by myself."

"How convenient," Santana snapped, tired of forcing a conversation and throwing her hands up, "Look I don't care if you were there or not, and I honestly don't even care anymore what it is you wanted to tell me because it's obviously not important enough if you keep dicking around with me, so you can stand here and clean out the rest of my medicine cabinet if you want but I'm going to sleep and when I get up in the morning you better be gone." Santana had turned and began stomping out of the kitchen when she heard Quinn's voice, not about to stop until she heard what the blonde was saying.

"You left in the middle of the service," she called out softly as she barely spoke above a whisper, Santana slowly turning around as she looked at Quinn, "In the middle of "Hallelujah" you left. Your mom and Rachel tried to stop you, but they had just showed a picture from graduation day and you lost it." Santana felt tears well in her eyes as Quinn reminded her, trying to block out the day completely from her mind as she shook her head.

"I followed you out, not to stalk you or something creepy, just to make sure you were ok you know," she said as she walked up to her slowly, "And I watched you get in your car and drive off. You didn't look good so I followed behind you and you pulled into the little park off the highway." Santana could fill tears brimming in her eyes now as she bit her lip, remembering she had stopped there because Brittany would spend every weekend there.

"And you got out and you curled up on a bench and you just sat there and cried. I wanted to say something to you, anything but, I don't know, I guess I thought you needed to be alone, just have some time to yourself." Santana remained still and silent as she wiped the sleeve of her shirt against her cheek, surprised that Quinn had cared enough to look our for her and oddly a bit grateful that she did.

"What do you want Quinn," Santana asked through a shaky voice, honestly trying not to snap or lose it as she asked in the strongest voice she could," Why are you here? What did Brittany want, you to take care of me or something, because honestly I can do that alone."

"Well good thing I didn't bring my diaper bag," Quinn said casually as she shook her head, "And no, I'm not here to baby-sit. Before everything happened I would talk to Britt every week or so, check in and just catch up."

"Yeah I remember," Santana nodded, the phone calls always driving her crazy as Brittany would spend hours gabbing away with the other blonde on the phone, "And?"

"And…well, every time we talked she'd always, always beg me to talk to you. To-I don't know, make amends and make things right. Patch up things and move on from what happened."

"I didn't know that," Santana whispered, "I mean I knew she talked to you…but not about that."

"Yeah, every time, every conversation, she'd find some sneaky way of asking me about you," Quinn grinned as she reminisced, "And every time, every conversation, I'd always let her down. And I felt awful and terrible but, well, you and I just never really…you know…" Santana remained motionless as she tried not to feel affected by Quinn's story, the thought of everything that had happened between them and how much it had upset Brittany forming a knot of guilt in the pit of her stomach now.

"Look I know I was a pretty shitty friend to Brittany and didn't come back like I should've for her, but I wanna do this for her, I feel like I need to do this for her," Quinn said firmly as she spoke up.

"Do what?" Santana asked as she snorted, "Take it all back and expect everything to be ok? You think just because she's gone that you can guilt me into forgiving you for what happened?"

"Of course not, but that's why I'm here Santana," Quinn explained as she moved towards her, "To try to fix it all, to finally make it right like I should have a long, long time ago. For you and me and Brittany."

"Don't drag her into this, how dare you?" Santana said as she shook her head, "You-I can't believe you-"

"Santana I'm not-it's not just about her-"

"I can't do this right now, I just can't," Santana said as she put her hands up, "I have enough and I can't take anymore."

"Then let me help you Santana, let me be here for you."

"I don't want you to be here for me, I don't want you to-to-try to make this ok just to ease your own guilt and feel better about being a shitty friend," Santana shouted as she headed for her stairs, "But you know what, you know what I would like? For everyone to leave me alone, for everyone to just stop trying to do what they think is best and to let me figure this out on my own." She angrily stomped through the kitchen and down the hall for her stairs, Quinn's eyes following as she called out.

"Be mad Santana, I don't give up that easy."

"Fuck off Fabray, I don't give a shit."

"Santana, hey, Santana!" Quinn yelled as she caught he attention of the brunette, Santana stopping on her stair and turning to look down as Quinn spoke, "I'm serious, I want to fix this, and not just for Brittany, for us."

"Quinn you do whatever the hell you want, but don't expect me to be a part of it," Santana said as she pointed to the door, "Now I'm going to bed, and you're going away."

"Fine, but I'll be back tomorrow to see you." Santana waited and watched as Quinn walked back to the door and reached for the knob, halting a minute as she turned back to speak one last time before leaving .

"You're gonna get through this San, I promise," she said softly, "But you wont get anywhere without a little help. You need me Santana, you need me and you don't even know it, and I'm gonna be here whether you like it or not. I'm not giving up on you, and this is nowhere near being over. For you and me, it's just the beginning."


	4. Chapter 4

_"Wait, yellow? You want to paint our bathroom yellow?"_

_"Yeah…why?"_

_"Well I mean…it's yellow," Santana said lowly as she stared at the swatch in her hand, "It's kind of bright don't you think?"_

_"No, I think it's warm, and inviting," Brittany disagreed as she snapped up her overalls, "You don't like it?"_

_"Its not that I don't like it-wait, just who exactly do you plan on "inviting" into this bathroom?" Santana asked curiously as she cocked her brow, "Because you don't need yellow walls to work for me baby, you already got me." Brittany laughed as she walked towards Santana and linked her arms around the brunette's neck, turning her head to the side and smiling as she fiddled with a loose strand of the other girl's dark locks._

_"All I'm saying is that it's bright and cheery, and I think it would be pretty for this room, that's all." Santana stared at the sparkle in Brittany's eyes and then the can of paint that rested by her feet, her eyes shifting between the two before sighing._

_"Fine, yellow it is," Santana groaned as Brittany clapped her hands and squealed, pecking Santana's cheek happily as she spun around for her paint brush._

_"It's gonna be so beautiful San, you don't even know!" she exclaimed happily as she began prying the lid off, Santana watching as the blonde hummed to herself happily and wondered how she got so lucky._

The cold water continued beating down on her body as she stood beneath the showerhead, Santana suddenly shaking her head and grimacing at the wet tresses that smacked her in the face as she snapped back into reality. She quickly realized the temperature of the water as goose bumps began covering her arms and moved to turn it off, Santana jumping out from the shower and squeezing out her hair as she realized how long she'd been standing there trapped in her head.

It had been a month now since the accident that had taken Brittany from Santana, the long month having been filled with restless nights and blurred days. While Santana had taken a few strides at trying to move on, like eating solid food now and drinking regular coffee for breakfast, she was still struggling to focus on anything, Santana positive she had now lost her job and any remaining friends she had as she hid out in her house under the covers.

There was however an exception to all this though, one very obnoxious, nosy, blonde exception that seemed to always find it's irksome way into Santana's house, Quinn having been by the brunette's home every day for the past few weeks. Her times and reasons for coming always varied day by day but her visits were always consistent, the only constant thing that Santana knew she could count on as much as she hated it.

As she stepped out of the shower Santana wondered what the persistent blonde would say her reasoning was for coming over that day, yesterday's being something about making sure Santana had food in the house while the day before that had been about finally cleaning out all those casserole dishes that had been rotting in the kitchen. While she absolutely hated the intrusions and need Quinn had to always come over to do something Santana had to admit that she had become less and less annoyed by the visits, the noise of someone else moving around the house having become an almost kind of comfort to her. Not that she would admit that of course, or try to work things out her former friend, Santana usually just staying in her room or on the couch in angry silence while Quinn gabbed away to her about random subjects. It was like they had a dysfunctional silent agreement, Quinn being allowed to come over and fulfill her need to be helpful while Santana got to call her names under her breath.

Wrapping a towel around her body Santana turned to her mirror and wiped it off, her hand clearing off the fog to reveal her reflection. While she looked better and cleaner she could still see the darkness lurking in her eyes, Santana blinking them hard a few times as she waited for them to spark or change. She continued to examine herself as she ran her fingers over her cheeks and jaw, noticing the bags and lines that had formed and becoming a bit alarmed at the sight. She was just about to start stretching her brows when a knock echoed throughout the house, Santana's limbs falling to her sides as she realized who had arrived for their daily intervention. She pulled her towel tighter and opened the bathroom door before heading down the hall, calling out for Quinn to stop knocking as she bounced down the stairs.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming, Jesus," she shouted as she carefully tiptoed on the hardwood, passing her kitchen and reaching the door as she jerked it open, "Could you _be_ any more obnoxious?"

"Could you _be_ any more angrier?" Quinn asked happily as she smiled at Santana, the brunette groaning at the other girl's perky attitude and turning around as she shook her head.

"So what is it today Fabray? Wanna clean my gutters or reorganize my bookshelves?"

"No, as a matter of fact I'm not here to do any of those things," Quinn snapped as she set her purse down, "One because I can't reach your gutters and two, because I did those shelves yesterday." Santana snorted as she grabbed the railing of her stairs and headed back up, Quinn following along as the brunette criticized her for everyday visits. As they walked up Quinn's eyes had begun noticing Santana's legs as they marched in front of her, the tan, wet skin glistening a bit as the light from her window shined on them. They were strong and firm but still long and beautiful, Quinn hypnotized by the small beads of water that slid down them as she followed them up.

"Fabray? Hey, Q," Santana was saying as she stopped on the final stair, Quinn finally looking up and snapping out her trance as she followed her voice, "What's up with you, where are you right now?"

"Sorry, brain fart," Quinn shook off as she smiled, "What were you saying?"

"I-you-ugh," Santana growled as she walked back into her bedroom, heading for her bathroom and comb as she began running it through her hair, "I said, you never answered me about what it is you want."

"Oh, right, sorry," Quinn nodded as she plopped down on her bed, "Well, I figured we could go to your work today." Santana paused midway through brushing her hair in confusion, sticking her head out as she stared at Quinn in utter disbelief.

"And why would we do that?"

"Because you should probably start working again and you should let them know when you're coming back," Quinn said as she grabbed a peppermint from the candy dish by Santana's bed and popped it in her mouth nonchalantly, the wet brunette staring in frustration as she thought. She, along with Blaine, had been working for the Lima Lately newspaper, Santana a photographer who did various assignments throughout the city that paid surprisingly well. While she had spent her days doing that Brittany had worked at the high school, taking over the position's as the new dance teacher and cheerio coach. The two of them did pretty well despite Brittany's need to buy any and everything she could find in a cat pattern, the home they had gotten together still decorated with pictuers of Tubbs and cat figureines that Brittany had thought were "precious."

Santana was smiling when she realized how far back into her memories she had drifted, having completely forgotten about the blonde who was still sitting on her bed and watching her curiously. She quickly pushed the thoughts away for another time as she spoke to Quinn, putting her stern face back on as she addressed the girl sharply.

"So now you're making my career moves for me?" she asked as she felt the comb jerk in her hand, "I know what you're trying to do and it won't work, I don't feel like going and that's that."

"I didn't say you had to, I said you probably should," Quinn corrected as Santana groaned, trying and failing to untangle the comb from her wet dark locks as anger rose in her chest.

"Quinn-damn it-I thought you said-fuck," she groaned as she began yanking at her hair in frustration, trying to pull the knotted mess off the bristles of her comb as she grumbled.

"Thought I said what?" Quinn asked as she stifled her laugh, watching Santana dance around in her bathroom and trying not to giggle.

"I thought you said-oh my God-I should take time to grieve, to mourn. I thought you said-mother fucker-it was ok for me to be honest about how I feel and-grrr-take my time moving on?"

"I did but-Jesus San, what are you doing?" Quinn asked from the bed as she stood, walking over and leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom as Santana continued to struggle.

"Its stuck-ouch!" Quinn laughed as she stepped closer and motioned for Santana to come to her, the brunette whimpering a bit as she jerked on the handle of her brush.

"Let me help-"

"I got it!" Santana snapped as she pulled away from Quinn's grasps, determined to fix the mess that had become her hair as she groaned and grunted.

"Alright then, fine," Quinn said as she threw her hands up and stepped away, leaning against the bathroom wall and watching as Santana struggled.

"I just can't-the hell!" She continued to fight with her hair as her arms grew tired, looking in the mirror to see Quinn still standing beside her and watching in amusement as Santana sighed. She turned away and opened her drawers, searching for scissors while refusing to ask for help, feeling Quinn's hand running through her hair after seeing what Santana was planning on doing and quickly stepping in. She lightly began pulling the strands loose carefully as her fingers lightly pulled on the mess of tresses, Quinn's gentle touch surprising Santana as she let her hands fall to her side so the blonde could work. She continued to unravel the intertwined knots as tenderly as she could, apologizing here and there if she thought pulled too hard until she handed Santana back her now freed comb.

"There," she whispered softly as ran a hand through the loose locks one more time to make sure she had gotten it all, "All done."

"Thanks," Santana mumbled softly as she threw the comb down and she stood in front of her awkwardly, not liking the feeling of dependency and wishing Quinn would stop smiling like that.

"Its ok to ask for help sometimes you know," she said politely as Santana avoided her eyes, "And yes, I did say you should take your time, but in order to even do that you have to get your life back San. You have to take your mind off of this for awhile and find something else for you to focus on, something that isn't, well, Brittany." Santana looked away as she tried to ignore Quinn's speech, the blonde taking notice and lightly reaching our for Santana's arm.

"If you don't ever step back from the situation and take a breather you'll never be able to figure out how you feel about it, or be able to see how you're doing and progressing. Santana you have to focus on something else for awhile, so that when you do think of Brittany it can be about the good things and the happy memories, and not about the constant pain you feel and how upset you've been. And I know I sound silly and I'm making this an after school special, but I care about you as much as you hate it and I think it'd be good for you ok?" Santana was baffled to say the least as she stood dumbstruck in front of Quinn, wondering when and where in the world she had gotten that kind of emotional depth. She could tell that, despite everything Santana was putting her through, Quinn was hell bent on helping her, the brunette groaning a bit as she rolled her eyes and walked back into her room.

"Let me grab my shoes," she said finally, heading for her closet and opening the door as she disappeared into the darkness.

"What for?" Quinn asked as she followed behind curiously, Santana meeting her eyes highly un-amused and sighing.

"Because, I can't go to my work barefoot."

* * *

><p>"SANTANA! AH!"<p>

Quinn and Santana halted in their tracks as they heard a scream echo down the hall, turning their heads and looking to see one very excited Blaine charging for them as he screamed.

"I've missed you so much, oh my God!" he continued to shout as he jumped and threw his hands around Santana, the smothered girl actually smiling a tad as she returned the hug.

"Well I've missed you too, just not quite at that decimal," she replied as she pulled back, Blaine sighing a bit as he brushed her bangs out of her eyes, "How are you, how have you been? Are you back, are you staying? Do you-"

"Slow down, ease up," Santana broke in as she motioned her hands for him to back off, Blaine trying to contain himself as he exhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry I just-Quinn?" Blaine asked shocked as he finally realized who it had been beside Santana, his jaw hitting the floor as his eyes bulged out of their sockets, "I can't-it that you?"

"In the flesh," she smiled as she leaned in for a hug, Blaine letting out another squeal as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Well what are you doing here? I mean I know why but, er," Blaine fumbled as he noticed Santana's face fall, trying to piece his sentence together quickly while both girls waited, "I meant still doing in town, still here for? Not that I'm not happy just-"

"No, I know, don't worry," Quinn dismissed as she shook her head, looking over to Santana and then back to Blaine as she answered, "I just-just thought I'd stay a bit longer is all."

"Well wonderful, lovely," he nodded as he looked between the two girls, the fact that they were even in the same vicinity blowing his mind as he asked his next question, "So then does your visit mean you're coming back or that you're quitting?" he asked anxiously while turning to Santana, the brunette glancing over at a very anxious Quinn before answering.

"I'm coming back, starting Monday."

"Well about time!" Blaine cheered as he went in for another hug, Santana forcing a smile as she looked up to see more people coming to join the commotion. They all hugged and patted and drilled Santana as they comforted and petted her repeatedly, Quinn even growing a bit aggravated at the third degree as she watched Santana bite her tongue.

''Now how have you been doing?"

"Are you eating enough sweetie? Are you struggling to sleep or something?"

"Now you know I have a great grief counselor who you could call…" They went on and on and on as Quinn and Santana stood there helplessly, Santana finally breaking through the chatter as she waved her hands.

"I'm-I'm fine!" she interrupted loudly as she sighed, exhausted from their incessant need to pamper her as she tried to hush them, "Really, I'm fine, and I just came by to let the office know I'll be back on Monday." They all squealed with delight as they continued squeezing Santana happily, the brunette shooting Quinn a look for help as she grew overwhelmed.

"Well we really have to get going," Quinn interjected as she began tugging on Santana's hand, the Latina never having been so glad to have Quinn around as she was now.

"Oh yes, definitely," she agreed quickly as she nodded, "But I'll see you all next week though!" The two hurriedly walked down the hall as Blaine and the group waved after them, Quinn pushing open the door as Santana let go of her hand as she practically ran through the exit. She exhaled deeply as she finally felt like she could breathe again, brushing her hair out of her face again as she sighed calmly.

"Jesus Christ."

"Yeah, so that was…stifling," Quinn said awkwardly as she walked beside her, chuckling to herself about the suffocating encounter as Santana nodded.

"Right?" she agreed as she turned to face Quinn, "I mean I know they're just being sweet but-"

"They practically petted you like a dog," Quinn finished as they got to her car, "I mean on and on with the baby talk and sympathy looks. It was a bit nauseating to be honest."

"I just wish they would stop bringing it up," she muttered grumpily, "I mean I don't need the constant reminder everyday. And I'm not a child, I don't need their sympathy or apologies, I know how to take care of myself." Quinn watched as she angrily kicked at the ground, walking towards her and standing in front of her.

"Scream at me," she said suddenly as she looked into Santana's eyes, her request catching her friend off guard as the brunette tried to catch up.

"What?"

"You heard me," she said as she stepped forward, "Scream at me." Santana shook her head and tried to push past Quinn but the blonde blocked her move, Santana growing more and more frustrated as she crossed her arms.

"Quinn-"

"Oh come on San, you gotta be ready to lose your mind. All these people with their pity and puppy eyes, goggling at you and whispering about how sad it all is, not even aware of how you actually feel?" Of course Santana felt that way, she couldn't lie Quinn had a point, but she wasn't about to play along with another one of her self help bull shit therapy methods as she just wanted to go home.

"Quinn seriously-"

"Come on, you must have so much anger just waiting to be unleashed!" she said as she balled her fists, "I mean I don't even know those people and even I wanna hit a few of them!" Santana watched in amusement as Quinn weirdly swung her hands at the air, looking like a five year old throwing a tantrum as she tried to prove her point.

"You look ridiculous Fabray."

"Well you look pissed Lopez, now come on and just humor me." Santana sighed as she watched her wait, anticipating for her to yell or something and realizing the sooner she gave in the sooner she got to go home.

"Well what am I supposed to say?"

"Anything!" Quinn exclaimed, "Anything at all. Tell me how you feel or what you're thinking, just get it out there." Santana sighed again in annoyance as she rolled her eyes at Quinn, still finding the whole thing ridiculous as she racked her brain for something.

"Just say something simple like…screw you!"

"Oh yeah Quinn, going big there," Santana mocked as she shook her head, Quinn shrugging as she laughed.

"Well then just say what you feel, whatever it is."

"I mean I don't know, Quinn, I don't know what you want."

"I don't want anything, just say what you're feeling."

"Why? This is so ridiculous and stupid and-"

"No, you know what's ridiculous and stupid?," Quinn asked as she thought of something, "You." Santana glared at her from her spot as she straightened up, her fist clenching as she looked Quinn over while her jaw tightened.

"The fuck Fabray, I'm not stupid," she shouted as she walked towards her and yelled, "And I'm not ridiculous and I actually don't need your help."

"Oh really? Because they seem to disagree in there," Quinn snapped as she crossed her arms, leaning on her car and smirking as Santana's temper rose.

"Well I couldn't give a fuck what they, or you for that matter think, because you don't know me. I mean you just come into my life out of nowhere and just demand I start doing all these things like you know me, like you understand me or something! Well guess what Quinn you don't know me, and you never did and never will so why don't you back the fuck off!" Quinn contained to smile as Santana continued to scream, people in the parking lot now beginning to watch as the brunette unleashed her pent up anger.

"And another thing, who made you the expert on grieving huh? I mean you're acting as if you wrote the God damn handbook or something! Stop pretending to know everything Quinn, stop pretending to care! Just stop coming by, stop trying to be my friend and leave me alone! I hate you Quinn, I always did and you know what you can do?"

"What?" Quinn asked as she egged her friend on, Santana unleashing her fists and leaning her head back as she gave a large bellow.

"You can fuck off!" The parking lot erupted as Santana finished her speech, random people passing by and a few fellow coworkers hollering and chanting as she realized what she had done.

"Oh-oh my God," Santana whispered as she buried her face in her hands, Quinn now laughing hysterically as she walked up to her, "Quinn I didn't-I mean-"

"Don't be, that was kind of aweseom," Quinn laughed.

"Jesus is everyone staring?"

"Totally," she continued to laugh, "Hey San?"

"What Fabray?"

"How do you feel?" Santana couldn't lie, something in her chest had shifted. It was like she had been holding back for what felt like years, finally exploding and releasing all the terrible feelings she had.

"Better I guess," she she shrugged.

"Good, now let's get you out of here before they call someone on you."

"Ha ha…wait, can they do that?" Santana climbed in Quinn's car as the blonde turned it on, reveling in how good she felt. She turned to look at the other girl as she buckled herself in, realizing that she had never once bothered to see how Quinn had been doing in all of this.

"Hey Q?"

"Yeah?"

"How-how are you handling this?" Santana asked, "I mean I'm not the only one who loved Brittany in this car. What are you focusing on to help get through this?" Quinn laughed as she shifted the car into drive, turning to look out her rear view mirror her before hitting the gas and glancing back at Santana.

"You."


	5. Chapter 5

Once again thank you all very much for the reviews! To answer your question I haven't explained the history of Quinn and Santana yet, but it's coming up soon! Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter! Read and review please!

* * *

><p>Santana sat at her desk as she sorted through random folders and photographs, trying to figure out some sort of organization for the mess that had become her desk. It was Friday and she had finally finished with her first week back at work, her time there having been filled with a welcome back parade that had zoomed in and out of her office everyday while former clients and fellow workers stopped in to leave her flowers and presents.<p>

While she was more than happy to be back and sorting through the work aspects Santana still had a lot she was trying to deal with mentally and emotionally, her moods swaying drastically between sadness and anger. Quinn had of course noticed her friends ever changing state of stability and had come up with different ways for her still grieving friend to let it out, the two girls having gone out in the backyard the previous night while Santana broke each and every casserole dish that had been sitting in the pantry waiting for its rightful owners. Quinn had stood by supportively and handed Santana the dishes one by one as she smashed them against the back porch, the brunette releasing a small piece of anger with every shard of glass that shattered against the wooden deck. The resentment and frustration she had was now at a bearable and "clinically healthy" level Quinn had joked, Santana finally having felt a bit more prepared to face her co-workers again.

What Santana hadn't expected to happen though was getting so caught up in preparing for work on Monday that she forgot to look over at Brittany's empty side of the bed that morning, the rushed woman so busy throwing on her jeans and unknotting her hair that she hadn't had time for her daily ritual of grieving. It had petrified her at first when she finally realized what she had done halfway to work, Santana feeling as if she was a bad person for not doing it while feeling a small tinge of relief that maybe she would finally start to move on. It wasn't that she really wanted to or thought she should but Santana knew she needed to get some sort of sanity, as well as a life back, the only way of doing either being to at least try to start moving forward. Since then every morning of that past week she got up and headed straight to her bathroom without glancing at anything that had belonged to Brittany, it taking her longer and longer to think about the blonde each day as the process tittered her between being ok and feeling guilty. Santana's revelation had also made her realize that despite her intense disdain and annoyance for the girl that Quinn had actually been right, Santana's decision to go back to work one of the best she had made in the past few weeks though she would never admit it to Quinn.

As she continued sorting through the mess that was her desk another knock rang out from her door, Santana groaning a bit as she shook tossed down the file she had been holding in her hands. She had closed the damn thing after the ninth fruit basket she received that morning, the need people felt even four days after she had returned to send her food she wasn't gonna eat still high as they shoved goodies and sweets at her constantly. She had finally insisted she had work to do after a client sent her flowers made from fruit, the Latina a bit put off by the smell of the old bananas and throwing the whole thing out as she locked her door shut for sanity. The gesture obviously hadn't been interpreted by someone though as Santana heard another knock echo, pushing herself up from her desk and heading for her door as she groaned and called out annoyed.

"Who is it?" Santana shouted as she waited for an answer, crossing her arms and staring as the shadow of two small feet shined under the crack of the door, "Who's there?" The air continued to remain silent as Santana furrowed her brow, stomping her foot a tad as she slowly lost her patience.

"I said, who is it?" she hollered again as she rolled her eyes, her question going unanswered a second time causing her to march forward and throw the door open as she growled, "Jesus, can't you just answer a question?"

"Jesus, can't you just answer a door?" Quinn asked as she stood in the doorframe, Santana not expecting the blonde to be the one she came face to face with as she backed up.

"Fabray? The hell are you doing here?"

"Oh I have a photo shoot, don't you remember?" Quinn quipped as she rolled her eyes, "Why do you think, I came to see you."

"Quinn save your so called humor for someone else and just tell me why you're here?" Santana asked agitated as Quinn laughed, the brunette's temper lessening as she watched the blonde giggle.

"I just wanted to see how your first week went, that's all," she answered softly as she brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear, "Make sure you were-"

"Not killing myself with the string of my camera?" Santana finished as she arched a brow, turning around and heading to her desk as she shook her head, "No, you got here just in time to stop it."

"That's not why, come on now," Quinn said as she followed the brunette into her office, "I just wanted to check in. Plus I've never seen where you work or what you do, so I thought I'd come check it out."

"Well here it is, in all its glitz and glamour," Santana said sarcastically as she sat down and waved her hands while motioning to her office, Quinn plopping down in a chair as she watched in amusement, "This is where the magic happens."

"It's nice, very chic, very you," Quinn nodded as she glanced around and stopped suddenly, the picture of Brittany hanging behind Santana's desk almost eerie now as she looked it over, "So uh, so how was your week?"

"Eh, alright," Santana mumbled as she slid her chair up to her desk, "No one's really busting down the door to have their pictures taken right now."

"Well prom and graduation are coming up, maybe it'll get busier then?" Quinn asked optimistically as she offered Santana a smile, the brunette knowing she meant well and nodding as she sighed.

"Yeah, yeah hopefully," she muttered as she looked back down at the papers in her hands, humming to herself a bit as she tapped her foot to an invisible beat.

"Do you still sing?" Quinn asked out of the blue as she listened to Santana's voice, "I mean did you ever go anywhere with it or…"

"Oh, no, wasn't really for me," Santana brushed off as she dismissed the question, "I'm not really the stage type like Berry."

"But you're the performing type," Quinn contradicted as she nodded, "I mean did you ever go to New York and work there like you wanted?"

"No, I uh-I didn't quite get there," Santana answered painfully as she ignored the pang in her stomach, "I mean we had planned on it but bus tickets aren't bought with big dreams and hope you know?" Quinn suddenly felt awkward as she realized the wound she had picked at, unsure if she should apologize or ignore it all together.

"Yeah, I get it," Quinn nodded, an uneasiness falling between them as they sat uncomfortably.

"You know speaking of work, don't you have a job to get back to Fabray? Baptizing babies or praying for the queers or something?"

"You really want me gone that badly huh?" Quinn asked as she nodded her head, Santana suddenly feeling an odd twinge of guilt as she realized how she had come off.

"No, no, I meant-I'm just saying that I'm kind of getting on with my life now, I'm fine and-"

"Oh really?" Quinn asked as she smiled, "You're fine huh? And that wouldn't have anything to do with a certain wonderful blonde former cheerio friend of yours who's been there for you recently would it?"

"You mean the one who can't take a hint and is so stubborn that she refuses to do anything I ask?"

"I think I said beautiful, but stubborn works too." Santana rolled her eyes as she tried to read, looking up again at Quinn as she sighed.

"You know I guess-I guess I do owe you a thank you," she said softly as Quinn looked at her, "I mean, even though you've driven me crazy and annoyed and aggravated me day in and day out with all your little visits, if it wasn't for you I would probably still be in bed or worse." Quinn didn't say anything as she smiled, Santana now feeling a little vulnerable as she played nice.

"Santana you're strong, so strong, and I've always been so envious of that, even back in high school" Quinn smiled as she leaned back, "I mean you would've figured this all out on your own, we both know that. I just-I guess I just thought that maybe you might like someone just for-just to be there, you know?" Santana nodded as she fished around for a response, having spent so much time snapping at Quinn that she didn't really know how to actually talk to her.

"Well it was-it was nice of you to…you know. I know I didn't make it easy-"

"You sure haven't," Quinn laughed, Santana rolling her eyes as she agreed.

"But you stuck with me anyways so…thanks."

"You're welcome," Quinn smiled, Santana now suddenly stifled by the weird shift in the room, "So does this mean you're actually gonna be nice to me now?"

"Nope," Santana replied quickly as she shut her folder, "Does this mean you're gonna leave me alone now?"

"Nope," Quinn snapped playfully as she shook her head.

"Well it was worth a shot." They sat together a few more minutes before Quinn decided she should let Santana get back to work, grabbing her purse and standing to leave as Santana thought of something.

"Hey Quinn," she asked softly, the blonde turning around and staring curiously as she continued, "How uh, how do you, you know, uh know so much about this? I mean how do you always know how I'm feeling or what I'm going through?" Quinn paused for a moment as her face softened and she slowly sat back down in her chair, brushing a few locks of blonde hair out of her eyes and smiling a little as she looked down at her hands and sighed.

"Beth," she whispered as if scared of the name, Santana being completely caught off guard by the answer as she sat stunned. She was more than surprised that Quinn had even brought up the subject seeing as she had ignored it everyday since it had all happened, never really opening up to anyone about the adoption of her and Puck's daughter.

"We were in the delivery room and uh they bring her to me, and they put her in my arms," she said softly as she recalled the day as if it had just happened, "And she was so warm and peaceful, just the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, have ever seen. She was like…like what you'd imagine touching happiness would feel like, you know? Or magic or heaven, just…just perfect. And she was just laying there and looking through me and taking everything in, trying to figure out what's going on and where in the world she is. I mean I didn't even know her, didn't know one thing about her or who she was or who she would become, but I knew that loved her more than anything in this world already." Santana tried to keep her jaw off the floor and her eyes from watering as she listened to Quinn speak, never ever having realized the blonde had even felt anything near what she was describing. Of course Santana had realized giving your kid away was hard, but the way Quinn had acted afterwards made everyone think she hadn't cared at all, Santana now seeing the other side that she was sure no one else ever had.

"And I know it seems so silly and doesn't make a lot of sense because we knew we were gonna give her up, but having someone come into your room and take away the most precious thing you've ever known…" Quinn trailed off as her eyes grew misty, Santana now wishing she had never asked and growing more and more uncomfortable as she watched the other girl talk, "The idea that someone else would get to hold her, someone else would get to hear her call them mom…I could just imagine what'd she be like taking her first steps or riding her first bike, having boy problems and worrying about prom dresses. Just knowing that I wouldn't be the one there for all of those things, I couldn't stand it." Santana watched Quinn's eyes brimmed and tried to keep her own from spilling over, the blonde sniffling as she looked up.

"I know it's different for you, I do, I realize that. Beth's still out there in the world and Britt's…but the loss, that feeling of never having the thing you want the most again, that feeling is one that anyone could understand no matter the situation you know?" Santana felt a tear slide down her cheek as she looked away, reaching her arm up and wiping her wrist across her face as she subtly tried to clear her eyes and the mood.

"So you would randomly scream in parking lots to help you threw your pain?" Santana asked as she tried to lift their spirits, Quinn breaking out in a loud laugh as she too wiped her eyes.

"No, no," Quinn smiled as she shook her head, "I mean I struggled for a while. I would have these dreams about her all time, these awful, awful dreams. Or I'd always hear a baby crying or think I would see her anytime we were out you know? Puck had the same things happening only he was a guy and guys don't talk about their emotions, not even when its about losing their baby, so I was just trapped with all these feelings and thoughts, driving myself mad with guilt and sadness…I was a wreck, just this complete, utter mess of what was left of the girl I used to be."

"So what'd you do?" Santana asked, Quinn puckering her lips as she thought.

"I finally got back home, got settled. My mom knew I was a wreck so she sent me to see a pastor from church." Santana rolled her eyes as Quinn nodded in understanding, neither girl really believing anymore after what they had been through.

"But when he, and God, couldn't save me they sent me to this shrink who actually did. She was a woman, which helped, and she could empathize. She had all these different things she made me do and in the end it actually worked."

"You just got over it all like that?" Santana asked as she snapped her fingers, Quinn quickly shaking her head as she crinkled her face.

"No, God no," she dismissed, "There is no way of just getting over it. But there is a way to get through it." Santana nodded as Quinn smiled, thinking about everything and reveling in how much her opinion of Quinn had changed within just those few short minutes.

"Well you're just full of surprises today aren't you?" Santana asked surprised, finally facing Quinn as she sighed, "So insightful wise without ever letting on."

"Something like that I guess, yeah," Quinn replied with a grin, "Look San I know I bug the hell out of you and drive you up the wall, and don't get me wrong you're not a freakin' picnic either, but I guess-I guess I just like being with you." If Santana had thought Quinn's revelation earlier was surprising it now had nothing on this one.

"I guess in some weird way I feel like by being with you I'm kinda connected to Brittany still," she said lowly, almost embarrassed to be confessing this to her, "I mean I'm not trying to be creepy or twisted, I just-"

"I get it," Santana said reassuringly, "Really, I do." Quinn grew silent again as she fumbled with a loose string on her jeans, smirking to herself as Santana stared confused.

"What?" the brunette asked as Quinn smiled wider, trying to figure out what was so funny as the blonde continued to laugh.

"It's just…you've been nice to me today, actually nice to me. You haven't insulted me once in the past five minutes or called me some sort of name, I think that's a new record." Santana groaned as she tossed her pen across the desk, shaking her head as Quinn egged her on.

"I said don't get used to it, I'm just having an off day-"

"Santana is my friend, Santana actually likes me!" Quinn sung out playfully, sticking her tongue out and wiggling it around as she laughed. Santana watched in utter amusement as Quinn continued squirming, breaking out into a loud sudden laugh at the sight of the blonde making the stupidest faces she'd ever seen.

"Oh my God was that…was that a grin?" Quinn asked in awe as she leaned across the table and reached for Santana's cheeks, pinching her fingers and trying to tickle the other girls face as Santana swatted her away while continuing to laugh.

"Stop it! You're being so ridiculous, stop!" Santana laughed as she pushed her chair back and continued hitting at Quinn's hands, both girls laughing as they played around a minute more.

"Uhm Ms. Lopez, excuse me?" a voice called as it rung out in the room, Santana letting go of Quinn's hands quickly as the blonde pulled away, "I'm sorry-you have a call from-"

"Right, yeah, thank you," Santana interrupted quickly as she shushed the boy away, Quinn feeling her face flush as she looked at Santana, "Well-"

"I guess I better get going," she said quickly as she reached for her purse, heading for the door quickly as she gave Santana a small wave, "I didn't mean to stay this long-"

"No, its ok, I…" Santana trailed off as she lost her thought, Quinn spinning around and resting against the door as she listened, "I'm guessing I'll be seeing you soon,"

"Are you gonna keep being nice to me?" Quinn asked while arching her brow.

"For the last time Fabray that was a slip, so don't expect it to happen again," Santana said as she shook her head, "I didn't like you then, and I certainly don't like you now."

"Right, whatever," Quinn said as she rolled her eyes, turning around and grabbing the knob before she stopped once again, "And yes, yes you will be seeing me again soon. Very soon." Santana looked up just in time to see Quinn offer her a playful wink, waving her fingers and turning around quickly as she walked through the door. There was something in the way she said her last words that stuck to Santana as she watched the blonde slink out the door, the playfulness of her tone or maybe the way she had stuck her tongue out a bit at the end that allured Santana for some odd reason. She thought about the moment a bit more before deciding she was being ridiculous and getting back to work, the rest of her day spent replaying Quinn's visit over and over in her mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Quinn shifted her car into park as she turned the engine off, opening her door and stepping out as she looked Santana's house over. The windows were pitch dark and the air silent as she made her way up the drive, Quinn peeking in a window and trying her best to listen for anything as she approached the door. She knocked a few times before she tried the knob, opening the door and walking inside carefully as the silence caused her ears to ring.

"San?" she shouted into the darkness while sliding her hand along the wall for the light switch, flicking it up and on to see a small sliver of light brightening up the hall. Quinn followed it carefully as she peered into the kitchen, her eyes finding no sign of Santana as she continued on. She passed through the dining room and headed for the living room but stopped suddenly at the sight that met her, her gaze stumbling upon boxes upon boxes that were now stacked on the couch and floor. She walked closer while still calling out for Santana, halting her shout midway through as she gazed into the boxes and realized what Santana had been up to.

Blaine had called her that morning in a panic, rattling off about how Santana hadn't come to work and how he was worried about why. He'd gone on to say that she'd been acting odd the past few days and even Quinn had noticed too, Santana having grown a lot more quiet and softer than usual. It had been a month since she had started back at work and three since the accident, Santana seeming to finally having started getting on with her life and even getting back to her self a bit. While Quinn was glad to see her finally smiling again she knew it had all been too much too soon, Brittany's things still in place and Santana still referring to her in present tense when she talked about her. Quinn had been waiting and knowing that sooner or later she would have some sort of meltdown and she had been preparing, Quinn leaving the living room and walking up the stairs as she called for the brunette.

"Santana?" she hollered again as she stepped on the second floor, Quinn heading for the bedroom door but stopping suddenly as she smacked her foot into something hard and large. She groaned a bit as she reached down and squeezed her heel, clenching her jaw and cursing as she tried to feel whatever it was that had collided into her. She quickly moved for the light switch and flicked it on as she looked down to the floor, another large box sitting in front of her and containing what looked like frames. One in particular caught Quinn's eye suddenly and she bent down to grab it, plopping down on the floor next to it and pulling it out of the box as she looked it over. She began grinning ear to ear when she realized where it was from and let out a small laugh as she stared at the faces looking back at her, gently tapping the glass and rubbing her fingernails over it as she sighed.

It was a picture from their graduation day of the three former cheerios, Quinn with her perfect placed smile and Santana wearing her smirk while Brittany stood in between the two as she squeezed them happily. She remembered the day as she leaned against the box, her and Santana having spent the morning dodging Brittany and her camera as she ran around the school snapping photos of any and everything left and right. She could still hear her friend screaming louder than anyone as she walked across the stage, Brittany standing and clapping furiously anytime she saw someone she knew while Santana had shot her a wink. As Quinn continued to look down at the frame she felt her eyes burn warm, quickly wiping away the small tears that had formed in them and staring one last time at the photo. She stood up quickly while refocusing on why she was there, shoving the frame in her purse while heading for Santana's bedroom.

"San," she called as she pushed open the door, darkness meeting her eyes once more as she gently called out, "San are you here?" Quinn reached for a light switch but stopped when she noticed a sliver of light on the carpet, walking towards the closet and cautiously pushing it open as she peered inside.

"Santana, hey," she said as she stepped inside, finally finding the brunette and squatting down beside her, "San…" She was sitting on the floor in what looked like Brittany's old hoodie, holding a shirt in her hand as she scanned the closet.

"Hi," she said lowly while avoiding Quinn's eyes, reaching up gently and running her hand along the bottom of Brittany's old shirts.

"You alright?" Quinn asked delicately, noticing that her eyes weren't red and her face wasn't wet.

"Yeah," she replied airily, pulling her hand back down and running it over Brittany's shirt again. Quinn watched as she pulled it close to her face and rested against it, smiling a little as she looked to her and shook the garment.

"It still smells like her," she said as she fingered the buttons, "Like she was just here and wearing it or something." She looked up from the shirt and glared at Quinn, nodding her head as she put it on the floor.

"Yes, I know she wasn't here, I know she didn't just wear this," she said as she readjusted herself, "You don't have to look at me like I'm crazy."

"I don't think you're crazy," Quinn said as she shook her head, Santana sighing while she tugged at Brittany's shirt

"I know why you're here," she said while fumbling in the closet, "You're here because I didn't go to work today."

"That," Quinn said as she nodded, "And it's been awhile since I've graced you with my presence."

"I just saw you yesterday," Santana said as she furrowed her brow.

"Twenty-four hours is a long time," Quinn retorted while flashing Santana her cheesiest grin.

"Well I'm fine," the brunette said as she dismissed her, "Really. No tears or heaving as you can see, so you can go now-"

"Aw come on San, I thought we were passed that," Quinn groaned as Santana looked up surprised.

"Pass what?"

"You know," Quinn said while motioning to her, "Your whole tough act thing. You know, pretending that you're fine and that you have everything completely under control, needing nobody or thing to help you. I thought we were pass that already." Santana stared at her as she leaned back against the door, twiddling her thumbs as she scoffed at Quinn.

"Well-I-I don't know what you mean," she said defensively, "Because I am fine."

"But you feel guilty as hell," Quinn interrupted, Santana a little startled as she spoke.

"What?"

"You feel guilty," she said as he leaned up, "I mean am I wrong?"

"How could you possibly know that?" Santana asked astounded, "Not that I do because I'm fine-"

"Because I do," Quinn answered as she pulled the frame out of her purse, setting it on the floor while Santana looked it over.

"We were such idiots," Santana whispered as she ran her finger over the picture, a smile spreading on her lips as Quinn spoke.

"Yeah but we ran that place," Quinn smiled, Santana finally looking up from the photograph and growing serious again.

"Why do you feel guilty?" she asked in a timid voice.

"I don't really know," Quinn said softly as she crossed her arms, "I guess I just feel like I shouldn't be here without her. Like it's not fair that I get to keep going and she doesn't." Quinn avoided Santana's eyes as the brunette watched her intently, not really wanting to divulge her personal feelings but figuring if she could trust anyone it was Santana.

"I mean Brittany loved everything and everyone. That girl woke up and was excited to be alive and to get going with her day. She had so many things planned and all these goals for herself, and the fact that she doesn't get to do any of that is just unfair. I mean you have people like me who just waste their time and aren't grateful for anything, and yet here I still am when she's gone." Quinn looked up to find Santana expressionless, the blonde suddenly feeling uncomfortable having given so much of herself away.

"Anyways, what about you?" she asked quickly while trying to shift the focus, "Why do you feel guilty?" Santana sighed as she looked away, flicking a button on her shirt while mumbling to Quinn.

"Everyday when I wake up, my mind starts thinking about work and what I have to get done and what I haven't even started on. I get dressed and I'm frantic over whether I have all my shit together or if I'm gonna forget or lose something. I eat breakfast and I'm rushing because I'm worried about traffic. I get to work and I'm busying myself with people and sessions and photos. Then I come home at night and I realize that nowhere in there did I once think of her, not once did my mind cross Brittany." She looked to Quinn who flashed her a confused glance, Santana shaking her head before she could speak.

"I was going through our pictures and memories last night, pulling out my favorites and staring at who we used to be, and you know what happened? I didn't cry Quinn, didn't even cry. I looked at the pictures and I smiled and felt warm, but not once did I tear up or get upset."

"But that's good, that means you're moving on-"

"Exactly," she murmured sadly, "I feel like I'm forgetting about her, like I'm leaving Britt behind. I know I'm supposed to move on and get on with my own life, I know that, but I can't help but feel guilty while I do that and she doesn't. Like you said, it's not fair."

"San it's almost been three months now," Quinn said as she leaned forward, "And I know it hasn't been a long time, but it's been enough time for you to allow yourself to move on and be happy again. You're supposed to be able to think about her and smile, its good that you're strong enough to do that." Quinn rested her hand on Santana's as she looked towards her, Quinn now scooting closer as she tried to comfort her friend.

"Do you honestly think Brittany would want you to spend the rest of your life sad? To spend everyday feeling this pain and guilt? She would want you to be happy again, to smile and laugh and sing, to be Santana Lopez, the feisty girl she fell in love with in high school." A small smile spread on Santana's lips as Quinn continued to speak, the brunette looking at her and listening as Quinn leaned against her.

"Let yourself off the hook San, its ok. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile, Brittany would want you to."

"The same goes for you ya know," Santana said as she squeezed her hand, "You get to be happy too."

"I know," Quinn nodded, "And it's something I'm working on, so you and I can do it together." The two continued to sit side by side in the closet, Santana unknowingly playing with Quinn's hand while the blonde watched in amusement.

"So why'd you bail on work today?" Quinn asked finally, Santana sliding the bracelet around the blonde's wrist while she answered softly.

"I just didn't feel good," she mumbled casually, Quinn raising an eyebrow as she looked at her, "And I might've thought by skipping work my guilt would go away."

"And?" Quinn asked curiously.

"It didn't," she answered as she sighed, "I know, I learned my lesson, I get it now." Quinn smiled as she watched Santana in fascination, the brunette's hands now running over Quinn's fingertips and knuckles. She knew it was weird and completely inappropriate but Quinn couldn't help but enjoy the small tingles she felt on her skin as Santana's hands glided back and forth across her hands, letting Santana continue to mindlessly caress her unaware of her affect as Quinn fell further and further into a trance.

"Thanks Q," Santana murmured as she began doodling small dots on the blonde's hands, the sound of her soft voice breaking Quinn's daydream as she shook her head.

"Mmhm, yeah, yeah you're welcome," she nodded as she quickly moved her hand away and stood to get up, trying to shake the odd feeling that had just overwhelmed her as Santana stared in confusion as to why Quinn was jumping away, "So uhm, all those boxes, uhm, do you need help moving them?"

"Oh, no, I can do it," Santana protested while getting up too, "Really, I pulled them down I-"

"Here we go again," Quinn groaned as she placed her hands on her hips, "When are you gonna admit you need my help?"

"Its not that, calm your tits," Santana scoffed as she crossed her arms, "I'm just saying its no big deal, I'm perfectly capable of moving some boxes."

"Fine," Quinn said as she motioned to the box, "I'll just be here then."

"Whatever," Santana said as she rolled her eyes, heading for the nearest box and leaning down. She picked it up slowly and began struggling a bit to lift it, Quinn watching in amusement as Santana tried to heave the heavy frames and thick photo albums onto the high shelf. Her watching soon turned into staring though as her eyes drifted to the edge of the large sweatshirt that clung to Santana's legs, the hem of it barely centimeters away from revealing Santana's panties. The higher her arms went each time the higher the edge rose up the brunette's long legs, Quinn anticipating the moment until the crashing of the box Santana was once holding shook her from her thoughts.

"Damn it!" Santana yelled angrily as Quinn tuned back in, turning around from her spot in front of the shelf and kicking the box angrily as she muttered something in Spanish. Quinn waited a moment longer before calling the brunette's name, Santana turning to face her friend with an un-amused expression as her arms slumped.

"Fine, help me move the box," she sighed while motioning for her.

"Nah uh, not until you say the magic words," Quinn grinned.

"Please?" Santana asked confused, Quinn shaking her head while crossing her arms.

"Nope, the other ones," she said happily. Santana racked her brain before grumbling, flashing Quinn a look of annoyance as she spoke.

"Quinn, I-"

"Quinn you what?" she asked while leaning towards her.

"Quinn I need your help," she bit out through clenched teeth.

"Ok San, ok! Jesus you don't have to beg," she muttered playfully as Santana smacked her arm, "I'll be downstairs in a minute to help you move the rest alright?"

"Alright," Santana called as she left, "Oh and Quinn?"

"Yeah?" the blonde called while sticking her head out.

"Thank you," she said sweetly, Quinn winking as she followed behind.

They continued moving the boxes back into storage and finally got Santana's home back to its previous state, the two girls collapsing on the sofa as they sighed in exhaustion.

"You have a lot of shit, you know that?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence, Santana laughing as she nodded her head.

"Yeah, well...wait, did you just cuss?" Santana asked in shock as she leaned forward, Quinn staring in confusion as Santana gasped, "Quinn Fabray you curse?"

"Santana what is your deal?" Quinn asked as she chuckled, "Yes I swear, so what? Everyone does."

"Not you, nuh uh," Santana shook as she pointed, "You're Quinn Fabray, the saintly child of like, Jesus himself."

"Jesus didn't have kids Santana."

"Not that you know of," the brunette argued, "And angels don't sin Fabray."

"Not that you know of," Quinn fired back, the cock of her brow and tone in her voice surprising Santana in a new way.

"Well aren't you just full of surprises," she said as she smiled, Quinn shrugging daintily as she leaned back.

"I dunno, maybe," she played, Santana smiling and resting her head in her hand as she leaned against the top of the couch.

"So what else don't I know about you?"

"Well...," Quinn thought as she squinted her head, pursing her lips and thinking as she spoke, "I...I slept with Finn-"

"I mean things I don't know about you, like dirty little secrets," Santana interjected as she rolled her eyes, "Everyone knows you dated Mr. Perfect, fucking him was only natural."

"You didn't let me finish," Quinn shot back as she stared into Santana, "I slept with Finn-"

"Yeah, yeah."

"While he was with Rachel-"

"Wait-"

"On their one year anniversary." Santana's eyes bulged as she shot up from her place on the couch, her jaw practically falling off as she pointed and screamed.

"NO WAY!"

"Yes way," answered Quinn as she nodded shamefully, Santana covering her mouth as she wiggled in her spot.

"Quinn! QUINN!" she yelled as she hit the blonde's shoulder, "How could you-wait, what? When? Spill!"

"It was after graduation, that night at Puck's party."

"The one where Blaine finally popped Kurt's cherry?"

"Is there any other?" Santana laughed loudly as she leaned back and held her hand over her chest, Quinn shushing her as she turned her body to face her and began to explain, "Anyways, Finn was piss ass drunk-"

"I know, I could never wear those heels after that night," Santana muttered as she remembered the lanky boys gag reflex, Quinn grimacing as she re-played the incident in the kitchen over in her mind.

"Right, so anyways, he had just found out about Rachel moving to New York from Tina and he was livid," Quinn recalled as she told her story, "And they had gotten in that huge fight outside and had "broken up" in front of everyone."

"Naturally, it had been three days since they had argued."

"Right?" Quinn nodded as she waved her hand around, "So he comes in the house and he's yelling and kicking things and being really awkwardly angry, and he see's me leaving the bathroom to go back to the party."

"Oh this is where it gets good right?" Santana perked up as she shifted to rest on her knees.

"And he comes up to me and he starts putting the moves on me, very awkwardly of course because, well, its Finn."

"Been there, done that," Santana nodded as Quinn laughed.

"Well of course I know what he's doing, I mean it was a party and Mercedes was there, that girl is like a grape vine on her own. So I tried to shut him down gently and tell him he was overreacting and that in the morning everything would be fine," Quinn expained as she smiled, "Well, in the midst of this Rachel comes upstairs and has the nerve to pin the whole thing on me."

"What?" Santana asked as she cried out, "I so do not remember that!"

"You were in the hot tub with Brittany, no one was even going near that situation," Quinn told her as Santana nodded happily, thinking back to the moment and grinning widely as she sighed.

"Oh yeah, good times."

"Anyways," Quinn continued, "She started yelling, and saying how I had always been jealous and that I was trying to sabatoge her, blah, blah, blah, blah, and she storms away to go call that Johnny St. Jude guy."

"Jeffie St. Jones?"

"Something," Quinn nodded, "So naturally I was pissed, I mean sure I had tried to ruin her, but this time it wasn't actually my fault."

"I hate when that happens."

"I know!" Quinn agreed, "Well I'm looking at Finn, and he's looking at me, and I figured, 'You know what? Screw it. I'm leaving this place tomorrow anyways.' So I took him in Puck's room and I screwed him on his bed." Santana's jaw was once more hanging open wide as she stared at Quinn in shock, leaning forward and shaking her head while Quinn nodded.

"No!"

"Yes."

"Quinn!"

"Oh yeah." The two girls burst out into laughter as Santana remained bewildered, Quinn blushing a tad as she flicked her nails.

"Don't get me wrong, I ended up feeling really, really bad, and it wasn't something I was or am exactly proud of," Quinn said as she rested her head against the back of the couch, "I mean I ended up apologizing and all that stuff, but in that moment, as angry as I was, it was the best revenge I ever could have enacted."

"And on Puck's bed, that's just icing on an already perfect cake," Santana nodded as Quinn giggled, the brunette looking Quinn over quietly as she took her in.

"What about you, what don't I know about you?" Quinn asked as she looked up, Santana startled that her staring had been interrupted and leaning back a bit as she fumbled.

"Oh, uh, psh, you know me," Santana dismissed as she waved her hand, "I put it all out there, I'm an open book. Trust me, there's nothing I've done people don't already know."

"Well there has to be something," Quinn disagreed as she arched her brow, "I mean everyone has something." Santana grew quiet and still for a moment as she stared down at her hands, her mind quickly thinking of something but dismissing it as she shook her head. She may have trusted Quinn and all but it was still too personal for her to give away, looking back up and shrugging as she spoke.

"No, not a thing." Quinn squinted her eyes knowingly as she sighed, still not convinced but letting the subject go.

"Fine, but I'll get it out of you, whatever it is."

"Ok Fabray, whatever you say." The remained in comfortable silence as they rested, Santana enjoying the peaceful company as she relaxed.

"You know, there is something else that happened that night that I would like to talk about," Quinn spoke up suddenly as she looked over to Santana, the brunette meeting her gaze and furrowing her brow as she thought.

"What? You slept with someone else's boyfriend?" she joked with a grin, Quinn snorting as she shook her head.

"No, uhm, the thing with, you know the thing with you and me and Brittany," Quinn stumbled out nervously, Santana inhaling deeply as she tensed up, "I mean-it's not like I want to dwell on it or upset you, because I don't-"

"Quinn listen-"

"I just think-if you let me explain what happened and what I meant I think you'd finally understand-"

"Quinn, stop," Santana cut in as she spoke louder, the blonde more than alarmed at her tone as she snapped her lips shut, "Just listen." Quinn settled into her spot anxiously as Santana exhaled, neither girl knowing exactly what to say to the other as they waited.

"Look, I don't know exactly what happened that night-"

"I know, so if you let me explain-"

"And honestly, now, I guess I don't really want to." Quinn was more than astounded by the response as she paused midway through her sentence surprised, her face falling and expression clueless as she waited for Santana to explain.

"I mean, it was so long ago, and we were both so stupid and caught up in all our high school drama, it's ridiculous ya know?" Santana chuckled as she brushed a few loose strands of hair from her eyes, "And after everything that's happened and all we've both been through I guess I just wanna forget it, just let it go. I say we leave it in the past where it belongs and just move on already, let it stay back at McKinley with those God awful cheerio uniforms. What about you?" Quinn was still sitting stunned as she blinked her eyes hard, trying to figure out if Santana was serious or not.

"I-I would really like that," she finally responded softly as she smiled, Santana nodding as she stood.

"Now that all that emotional crap is over," she said bluntly as Quinn laughed, "I was gonna shove my face until I exploded. You in?"

"Sure," Quinn answered as she nodded, Santana motioning towards the kitchen as the blonde led the way. Even though there were things left unsaid and being ignored and even more feelings being held back Quinn was more than happy to have her friend again, looking at Santana and feeling a new warmth between them as she opened the fridge.

"You know I'm gonna figure it out," she said to the brunette as she reached in for the ice cream.

"What's that?" Santana asked while grabbing two bowls.

"Your secret," Quinn replied, "The thing you're keeping from me, I'll figure it out."

"Same here," Santana responded as she handed Quinn a bowl, the blonde frowning as she took it.

"But I already told you mine," she said as she paused, "The whole Finn thing and-"

"No, you told me what you thought would get me off your back for now," Santana corrected as she scooped a large chunk of ice cream into her bowl, "But that's not it, I can feel it Fabray."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Quinn said stifly as she reached for a spoon, "I have nothing to hide."

"Uh huh, right," Santana agreed sarcastically, licking her spoon slowly while Quinn watched inticed, "You can stick to that if you want to for now, but I know you Barbie, and there's a lot more to you than meets the eye." She grabbed her snack and headed back into the living room, Quinn left startled and confused at the counter. She knew Santana was just playing with her and messing around but it had struck a chord in the blonde that made her nervous, Santana having no idea just how right she had been.


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry it took awhile to update everyone! It's a bit longer to hopefully make up for it, and I appreciate those new reviews! Thanks again and I hope you like this new chapter! Read and review please!

* * *

><p><em>"This food is disgusting."<em>

_"It's not disgusting, it's Italian."_

_"Well this Italian food is disgusting."_

_"You're so uncultured."_

_"Bite me."_

_The two girls had been eating dinner at a new restaurant in town and so far Santana had been un-impressed, twirling green noodles around her fork and dragging them across the plate as they created patterns in the sauce._

_"Maybe you should try something else," the blonde suggested as Santana looked up from her plate, grimacing at the food in front of her and shaking her head._

_"Nah, I'm good, I filled up on…water." She could see the other girl's stare and she picked a crouton off her salad and tossed it across the table, the squeal that followed causing Santana to laugh loudly._

_"Hey! The hell!" It wasn't long before Santana felt something pelt her in the face, a piece of carrot nicking her in the eye as she swatted her hands._

_"Ha! That's revenge!"_

_"Oh would you grow up!" the brunette laughed as she picked the orange speck from her face, "You don't throw your vegetables at the table!"_

_"Oh but bread, no big deal?" her companion asked as she narrowed her eyes._

_"Well yeah, because it has more weight to go for a longer distance," Santana informed her as she chunked another crouton across the table, the two now engaged in a mini food fight as they giggled and squealed. Santana was laughing harder than she had in awhile when the cough of their water halted her hand from flinging lettuce across the table, the two girls turning red and apologizing profusely before snickering behind their fingers._

_"Thanks for getting me in trouble," Santana scoffed as she smiled, "Now we're not gonna be able to ever come back."_

_"Good thing you hate it here," Quinn pointed out as she sipped her water, Santana throwing one last piece of food before standing to leave._

The memory of her previous evening had been making Santana laugh to herself as she sat in her booth at the diner, resting against the window beside her as she stared at the strangers passing by. She had been trying to preoccupy herself for the past few minutes as she waited in boredom for Rachel to finally arrive, having agreed to finally meet her friend after bailing on her for days now. It wasn't that Santana had meant to blow her off or anything but she had been busy with what had become her new sidekick and companion, having spent all of her time lately with Quinn. They had mostly been hanging around her house being completely lazy or doing something new to it, like re-painting or re-arranging furniture, but lately the two had been venturing out, Quinn finally having talked Santana into going in public for dinners or browsing. It had been nice to finally be apart of the real world again and shed the feeling of isolation her house had given her for awhile, their latest attempt at public dining having resulted in the two being asked not to come back to Casa Lu Al anymore.

She had just begun replaying her attempt at triumphing over Quinn with her dinner roll when the piercingly high squeal of what could have been a dolphin met her ears suddenly, Santana squinting and looking over to see a bubbling, bouncing brunette heading for her.

"San! Over here!"

Rachel was waving madly from the doorway as she grinned widely and charged down the stairs quickly, Santana bracing herself for the impact of her hug as the smaller girl threw her arms around her.

"Oh Santana how I've missed you!" Rachel squealed piercingly loud as Santana winced at the volume, patting the squeaking girls back awkwardly as she tried to pull away.

"Yeah, I couldn't tell," she choked out as the arms around her neck clutched tighter, Santana croaking for air as she wheezed, "Rach-"

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Rachel apologized as she finally released Santana from her grips, "I'm just so happy to see you, oh it's been so long!"

"I know, and I'm sorry for that," Santana mumbled as she looked at her feet, "I didn't mean to lose touch or anything."

"Oh nonsense, I understand," Rachel cooed as she rubbed the other girl's arm, "It was a rough time for all of us, really, I get it." Santana forced out a smile as the two sat down at their table, Rachel instantly gabbing away as she drilled her friend on her past few months.

"So how have you been? How's work? Are you glad to be back, are they giving you too much? Blaine said you've really been focused and doing an excellent job despite Br-despite everything," she rattled off as she glanced over her menu, Santana only able to nod as Rachel continued to run the conversation, "Now what about the house, do you need anything? I know you can take care of yourself but I'm more than willing to stop by and help you with any cleaning or what not."

"Rachel I lost Brittany, not the ability to move a mop and a broom," Santana said sarcastically as she looked through Rachel, the other brunette lowering her menu and not having words for the first time in their conversation as she tensed up at the name.

"Oh San I-I didn't mean-"

"I know, I know," Santana covered as she tried to shift the mood, "I appreciate it, I do, really."

"I just-you know I feel like I haven't been there for you through any of this," Rachel murmured as she looked off, "Like I'm a bad friend for not helping you with all of this and Br-you know."

"_Brittany_, her name is _Brittany_," Santana corrected as Rachel flinched, "Her name-her name _was_ Brittany."

"I know her name Santana-"

"Then why don't you use it instead of writing her off with another topic?" Santana snapped as she felt herself grow agitated, "Saying her name isn't a bad thing Rachel, its not like she's gonna come back from the dead and get you or anything."

"Santana!" Rachel grimaced as she leaned forward, Santana not realizing she was going off as she exhaled. It wasn't that she was mad at Rachel or mad in general, the brunette struggling to get a hold of herself as she sighed.

"I'm sorry, I just…I don't know, I guess I kind of got to this point where-where I'm ok with what happened," Santana tried to explain as she paused, "Well, not that I'm ok with it, but I've accepted it. And I just need everyone else to stop trying to tip toe around my feelings and let's get on with life. I'm tired of there always being this elephant in the room, everyone always watching what they say or do to make sure they don't upset or wound me. I just wanna move on, I need to move on." Rachel remained silent as she flipped the corners of her menu back and forth, fidgeting in her seat uncomfortably as she glanced around.

"I didn't mean to upset you so much," Rachel whispered as she avoided Santana's eyes, "I'm sorry, I-I guess I still have to figure out how to deal with all of this myself."

"I can send Quinn over, she'll help you out," Santana snorted as she chuckled a bit, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head as she looked back down at her menu.

"Quinn? Quinn Fabray?" Rachel asked surprised as she stared in confusion, "What-what does she have to do with anything?"

"Oh nothing really, she's just been helping me out with all of this for a few weeks now," Santana shook off nonchalantly as she perused her options, "Few months actually."

"I didn't even know she was still in town," Rachel muttered a tad bitterly as she leaned back, "Much less with you. I mean I thought you guys kind of…you know-"

"Hated each other?" Santana finished as she looked up, "Yeah, me too, but it hasn't been that bad. It's actually been kind of nice to have her around again like old times."

"Like old times?" Rachel scoffed as she furrowed her brow, "You act like you guys were best friends or something."

"We were best friends," Santana corrected as she squinted her eyes, Rachel's tone growing more and more aggravated as they talked, "I mean we had our issues but who doesn't? I mean you and Mercedes hated each other at one point and now you're friends."

"That's different."

"How so exactly?" Santana asked in annoyance as she looked across the table, Rachel remaining silent as she arched her brow and pursed her lips, "I mean…." The other brunette remained silent as she fumed on her end of the table, her mouth muttering something incoherently that sent Santana's frustration through the roof as she tried to calm her voice.

"Rachel does it bother you that I've been hanging out with Quinn or something?" Santana asked as she leaned forward, the other brunette snapping upright while avoiding eye contact.

"No, of course not, why would it?" Rachel retorted quickly as she tapped her nails on the table, "It's not like she ruined my relationships and general high school experience or anything."

"Really Rachel? Jesus Christ, get over yourself."

"Excuse me?" Rachel asked appalled as she looked at Santana wounded, Santana shrugging as she looked away, "You know I don't know what your problem is, but you've had an attitude with me ever since I got here."

"I didn't have an attitude until you started critiquing who I spend my time with," Santana corrected as she leaned in, trying to lower her voice and not lose her patience with Rachel, "Who are you to judge me?"

"I wasn't judging, I just meant you know what she did to me, and as a friend I would think-"

"Seriously? _Seriously_?" Santana spit flatly as her temper rose, "Can we ever have a conversation that isn't somehow about you? I mean did you ever think that maybe its good for me, that maybe I'm happy? Or furthermore that maybe Quinn's changed, that she's a different person now, that maybe, and I know this is Earth shattering for you, but just maybe some people actually do grow up and mature?"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Rachel asked taken aback, Santana preparing to unleash her fury before halting. She stared at the other brunette and thought of all the things she could throw at her friend, everything from Rachel staying in Lima for Finn and settling for a mediocre life flashing in her head. She knew she could verbally beat Rachel down right then and there and walk away triumphantly but a twinge in her stomach stopped her immediately, Santana suddenly realizing that her and Rachel had a lot more in common that she thought.

"I said, what does that mean?" Rachel repeated as Santana shook her head, blinking hard as she pushed her chair back and stood.

"Nothing, nothing," Santana mumbled as she tossed her napkin down, Rachel's face changing swiftly as she stood, "I gotta go."

"San-"

"I just-I'm just having an off day," she made up quickly as she grabbed her purse, throwing it over her shoulder and turning as she went to leave, "I'll call you."

"Santana, wait-"

"I'm sorry Rachel, really," Santana said one more, "I just-I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>"Wow."<p>

"Right?"

"I mean wow."

"I know."

"You really know how to screw up a lunch don't you?"

Santana rolled her eyes and threw her hands up as she nodded her head shamefully, the brunette just having finished telling Quinn of her horrendous after noon with Rachel as they relaxed in her living room.

"I didn't even mean to start anything, I was actually in a really great mood," Santana defended as she groaned, "It just spiraled out of my control."

"Well what started it all?" Quinn asked as she leaned back against the couch, "I mean what even got you two fighting?" Santana paused as she looked over and debated telling her the truth, knowing Quinn wouldn't shut up until she found out anyway so she decided to spill.

"You," Santana said flatly as Quinn's eyebrows raised, "You, and how I've been spending so much time with you."

"_Oh_," Quinn said startled as her face fell, "Oh, um-"

"It's not actually about you though, no," Santana said quickly as she tried to make Quinn feel better, "She's just taking her anger for me and pinning it on you because it's easier, you know?"

"Yeah, right," Quinn trailed off as she nodded, Santana wishing she hadn't said anything as the blonde looked away.

"Really Quinn, really," Santana re-iterated as she placed her hand over the other girls, "It has nothing to do with you, I swear." Quinn looked down at Santana's hand as it lay delicately over her own, the tan skin that overlapped the porcelain blending together almost like a picture. Her fingers twitched a little as they burned to roll over and intertwine with the brunette's, Quinn furrowing her brow and forcing her hand away as she stood.

"Its fine, I get it," she sputtered quickly as she stepped over Santana, "Its Rachel, what's new right? Hey do you want a drink or something?"

"Um, ok," Santana agreed as she stood, staring at Quinn's jerky movements and almost laughing at her not so subtle topic change, "Nice transition there Fabray."

"Rachel has that kind of affect on me, what can I say," Quinn laughed off as she headed for Santana's wine cabinet, grimacing at her awkwardness and cursing herself as she pulled out a bottle. It wasn't the first time that week Quinn had been odd around Santana and the blonde had been trying to shrug it off, a small voice in the corner of her mind and a flutter in her gut having been gnawing away at her for awhile now. She knew what it was saying but she had shoved it all away, ignoring any hint she'd been giving herself and chalking it up to nothing.

"So how is she anyways, Rachel?" Quinn asked as she reached and pulled down two wine glasses, "She teaches now right?"

"Yeah, at the school with the chorus and then offering vocal lessons on the side," Santana nodded as she shrugged, "She's ok I guess, still doesn't like you."

"She never did," Quinn muttered as she smiled, handing Santana a glass of wine as she poured her own, "Wouldn't expect her to change or anything."

"I think she's just a little bent I haven't been to see her lately, that's all," Santana murmured as she sipped from her glass, "It's easier to take it out on someone she hates instead of someone she loves."

"Obviously," Quinn nodded as she turned around and leaned her back against the counter, "But I guess I have been horrible, hogging you and keeping you trapped in this house for weeks all to myself."

"Oh it's vile, you're a monster, it's awful," Santana smiled as Quinn giggled, the two becoming silent as they drank.

"You know I don't blame her though," Quinn spoke softly as she swirled the red liquid in her glass, Santana looking over as the blonde spoke up, "For missing you, I don't blame her. I'd be really lonely too if it weren't for you." Santana remained quiet as she grinned a little, looking down as a flush took over her cheeks. It wasn't like Quinn to be so nice to anyone and Santana liked the different side that shown through the blonde's icy exterior, the tenderness Quinn had something the brunette knew was only for those she trusted not to expose it.

"Well what can say, I'm just so easy to love," Santana joked as she pushed herself up on the counter top.

"Oh let me tell you," Quinn joked as she joined her, Santana pretending to be offended as she rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, you adore me Fabray, shut up."

"Adore is a little much," Quinn corrected as she pointed her finger over her wine glass, "I can stand you, yeah…"

"So that's why you come over here everyday? Just to stand me?" Santana shot back as she narrowed her eyes, "I mean you practically live here, you actually might as well."

"Oh how I wish Ms. Lopez, how I wish," Quinn sighed as she leaned back and drained her glass, Santana furrowing her brow as she thought.

"You know speaking of, where do you live?" she asked curiously as she looked over to Quinn, "I mean where have you been staying this whole time?" Quinn rolled her eyes as she pursed her lips tightly, reaching for the wine bottle and seeing how much was still left before answering.

"Home," she muttered unenthusiastically as she filled her glass again, Santana's jaw dropping as Quinn put the glass to her lips, "Yeah…"

"Wait, why? Quinn, what the hell?" Quinn only shook her head as she leaned back and swallowed, her eyes rolling in the backs of their lids as she groaned through the liquid while Santana continued to question her, "Are you a masochist?"

"Apparently," Quinn sighed as she leaned her head back up, Santana still staring in confusion as she waited for Quinn to explain, "What? I didn't have anywhere else to stay! Besides, it's better than paying for a motel every night."

"Yeah, but still…" Santana trailed off as she watched Quinn shrug, her eyes searching Quinn as the blonde sighed.

"I mean it isn't that bad. Most of the time she's watching her soaps or cleaning something out of habit. She doesn't really say a lot to me and I don't really say a lot to her." Santana remained silent as she looked Quinn over quietly, the blonde's eyes seeming tired and sad as they looked down into her glass. Santana wanted to say something to comfort her or something reassuring but her lips couldn't move as they tried, Quinn shifting around on the counter awkwardly as she waited for the subject to change.

"So what about working? I mean, what about your job back home? You know you never did answer me about what you used to do," Santana pointed out as her curiosity grew, "Fabray what is your job? Well, _was_ your job, seeing as you can't possibly have one anymore." Quinn laughed lightly as she swung her feet back and forth, Santana growing more and more curious about the life Quinn had led before she came back to Lima.

"I mean what were you an assassin? Russian spy? What were you up to all that time while you were gone huh?"

"The spy one, definitely," Quinn nodded as she giggled into her glass, setting it down and leaning in as she whispered to Santana, "But now since you guessed it I guess I'll have to kill you."

"Oh really?" Santana asked in amusement as she too leaned in, Quinn nodding as she smiled wider, "Blondie I would love to see you try." They rested there a moment longer, eyes locked and noses barely apart, Santana staring into the little golden flecks that flickered in Quinn's eyes and noticing how truly stunning they were for the first time. She continued taking the blonde in, the way her small button nose wriggled when she smiled and how her lips curved when they broke into a grin, when Quinn's voice interrupted her train of concentration.

"I tell you what," Quinn said as she leaned past Santana and reached for the cabinet, "I'll let you ask me anything you want if you let me do the same? It'll be like, twenty questions or something, only longer. Deal?"

"Deal," Santana nodded as she shook Quinn's free hand, the smaller girl having her other wrapped around another bottle of wine as she slid off the counter, "But I hope you know this means I'll ask you anything I want Fabray, I mean anything."

"Oh I'm counting on it," Quinn smiled as she skipped into the living room, Santana smirking as she followed after and prepared herself for their little game.

* * *

><p>Three bottles of wine, two shots of tequila and one broken vodka bottle later Quinn and Santana found themselves drunkenly happy on the living room floor, the coffee table in front of them littered with corks and empty cups as they slurred and giggled to each other about their lives.<p>

"So you-you graduated from college," Santana asked lazily as she leaned back against the couch cushions they were using as back rests, "And you majored in Lit-lit-literature-"

"English, Ingles," Quinn corrected as she pointed.

"Right, right, that's what I said," Santana nodded, "And then-then you worked for a writer-"

"A bookstore, I worked in a bookstore first-"

"Well it sells writing, doesn't it?" Quinn laughed as Santana continued piecing together her past, the brunette slurping down another shot before going on, "And then after that you worked for that writer guy, the pervert-"

"Yes, yes, and then after I wouldn't sleep with him I got myself fired-"

"And now you're just floating in the wind," Santana sighed as she swayed her arms back and forth, Quinn agreeing and laughing as she clapped her hands, "Like a bird, you're like a bird, Quinn."

"I know, I know. Now I don't know what to do you know?" Quinn asked as she leaned forward, leaning her elbows on the coffee table and letting her chin rest in her hands, "I mean I've been looking for a job but I can't find one! No one wants me to work for them, no one wants me."

"That's not true, that's not true!" Santana dismissed quickly as she pushed herself, pointing to her chest and nodding as she grew serious, "I want you Quinn, I do, I do!" Quinn looked over at the brunette dreamily as she smiled, Santana putting her hand in the air as she grew stern.

"Seriously though, seriously, serious," she said in a high tone as she leaned in, "I was thinking, and I think, I thought that-that you should totally stay with me."

"Well I was planning on it 'cause I can't really drive," Quinn giggled as she pantomimed driving a steering wheel, Santana laughing and pushing the other girls hands down as she shook her head.

"No, no! I mean-I mean '_stay with me'_ stay with me, like-like move in with me and stuff." The room soon fell silent as Quinn stared at Santana intensely, sobering up almost instantly as her eyes locked tightly and her mouth gaped open. Her stomach was doing some sort of weird fluttering thing and flipping about in her abdomen as her heart began to race in her chest, Quinn's skin tingling a bit as her mind began racing with sudden thoughts.

"Santana, no, no I couldn't do that," Quinn dismissed out of instinct as she searched for words to complete the thoughts that were running rampant, "I mean-I could never impose-"

"Its not imposing if you're invited," Santana waved off as she swung her hand through the air and rolled her eyes, "Besides, you practically live here anyway."

"I know, but still, Santana I couldn't-"

"But why not, Quinn?" Santana whined as she leaned down to the floor and rested on her elbows, "It would be fun! Like a sleepover every night! Like in middle school, during cheer camp! Remember how much fun we always had!" Quinn flashed back to their nights spent on Brittany's bedroom floor and felt her stomach summersault, visions of the three of them giggling about high school and boys filling her with nostalgia.

"It would be so much, it really would," Quinn confessed as she smiled, "But-I don't know-"

"Oh would you stop and just say yes already!" Santana pleaded as she scooted up to Quinn and rested her head on her leg, "Please Quinnie, please? Please stay with me?" Quinn looked down into Santana's brown eyes and almost turned into mush, the brunette poking out her bottom lip as she nuzzled into Quinn's leg.

"San-"

"Please Quinn, please? I don't wanna be by myself anymore." She felt her breath hitch at the confession as Santana's dizzy eyes become solemn, Quinn hoping that the other girl wouldn't remember spilling that to her and sighing as she stroked her forehead. Part of her thought that she'd be doing this for Santana's sake but the other half knew it was selfishly for her, Quinn ignoring that same stupid voice in her head as she debated what to say.

"I, uh," she sputtered as she looked down at Santana, the glimmer of hope that reflected back erasing any doubt as she cleared her throat, "Yes, sure, yeah, I'll-I'll stay with you Santana, I'll stay with you."


	8. Chapter 8

"Fabray, _the fuck_ is in this suitcase?"

"Lopez, _the fuck_ is in this room?"

"…fair enough." Quinn laughed as she continued pushing on the door of Santana's guest room and reached her arm around it to move whatever it was that had gotten in the way, her hand grasping around on what felt like the edge of a table and sighing as she continued to try and move it.

It was the day of her move in to Santana's house and things had been chaotic all morning, Quinn's bags having fallen out of the blonde's car while Santana had managed to drop one of the heavier boxes on her foot.

"I hope you realize how much I like you Fabray, because I don't normally let other people's shit abuse me in such a way," Santana informed her friend as she joined her in trying to move the object blocking the guest bedroom door, Quinn rolling her eyes and grunting as they continued to push, "I mean this is a huge step for me."

"I can tell, seeing as you clearly had your doubts about whether or not you were really gonna let me move in," Quinn pointed out as she nodded to the bedroom, "I mean what the hell is in here anyways? Dead bodies?"

"You never know Quinnie, I've led many lives," Santana cooed hauntingly as she wiggled her fingers, Quinn smacking them down as she continued to push. After one firm shove from the girls the object blocking the door finally shifted suddenly and caused the pair to fall back against the door and into the cluttered room, both of them wailing out and wincing as they lay flat on the floor.

"Well that was fun," Santana grimaced as she moved her hand to hold her head and got up, Quinn's own skull pounding from where it had smacked against the door and the floor, "Let's try to never do that-hey my record player!"

"San I'm really glad you found your hipster record player and all, but could you uh…" Quinn trailed off as she waved her hand for Santana to help her, the brunette getting the message and bending over to help the blonde up as she tugged her hands, "Thanks." She took the opportunity to look around from higher than the floor now as she scanned the cluttered space and surveyed the mess, Quinn actually in disbelief at all the items and whatnots that covered every inch.

"What happened in here?" she asked softly as she looked over to Santana, the other girl now looking through what looked like a journal and smiling.

"You know how some people have a junk drawer? Or a crap closet? Well, we had a random room."

"I couldn't tell," Quinn snorted as her eyes looked over the cabinets and un-used side tables that sat against the walls, anything from old trophies and used sneakers to stuffed animals and an old computer covering tops.

"We had a lot of stuff on our own, so when we moved in together it was chaos," Santana explained as she leaned down and rummaged through a box, "We had to buy another dresser drawer and even then we shoved our clothes in the bathroom cabinets. It was confusing to say the least."

"I can imagine," Quinn smiled as she tapped her fingers over a few picture frames and medals, laughing aloud and pointing across the room as Santana looked up, "What's the surf board for?"

"Brittany," Santana answered as she rolled her eyes, "She wanted to learn how to surf."

"This is Ohio, the nearest beach is…I don't actually even know how far away."

"I know," Santana chuckled as she made her way through the clutter and ran her hand down the old board, "But we had this plan to travel to California. Britt wanted to live like gypsies for a year, so we had this idea of packing our car and taking this huge road trip to wherever. California would be the last stop before we went to New York to settle down." Quinn didn't say anything as she watched Santana smile, wondering if her friend was about to get upset but glad to see her instead break out into a smile.

"I figure one day I'll do it you know? Go on the trip and do all the things we'd plan, in her memory or something, I think she'd like that."

"I think she'd love that," Quinn agreed as she leaned against a bookshelf and smiled, Santana looking up and sighing before heading for the door.

"I should have gotten this out of here before you came but, well…"

"Yeah, I can see why you didn't," Quinn nodded as she nudged the toe of shoe against a box, "But I can help? I mean, it is technically my room now."

"Already taking over my stuff like you live here, I see how this is gonna go," Santana snapped playfully as she crossed her arms, Quinn swatting at her as she began pushing papers together.

"Shut up and grab those boxes. I figure we can fill them with what you actually want to keep and then put the rest in those others. Maybe you could give it to the Goodwill or have a garage sell-"

"Sell? _Noooo_ no no, I'm not giving away or selling any of this stuff," Santana corrected as she shook her head, Quinn looking taken aback as Santana clarified, "No, wait, I meant-like my old stuff yeah, no problem, but I-I can't sell her stuff, I can't-"

"No no, I understand, I'm sorry," Quinn dismissed, "That was rude of me, I shouldn't have said-its not my place, I'm sorry."

"Quinn, please," Santana interrupted as she held her hands up, connecting with the blonde's eyes as she explained, "I didn't mean it like that, honest, I just-there's still some things I'm kind of working on-"

"No, no! I understand, I do!" Quinn exclaimed as she waved her hands, "And I would never-"

"I know, relax, I know," Santana smiled as she rested her tan hands on Quinn's shoulders, "I know what you meant, it comes from a good place, I know that." Quinn shuffled the papers in her hands as she tried to think of something to say, still feeling bad as Santana sighed.

"I just don't want you to feel like your staying in me and Brittany's house or something, you know?"

"Well, I mean, _I am_," Quinn said lowly as she leaned in, "I mean technically-"

"No, no you aren't," Santana disagreed as she swallowed hard, "Because-because Brittany doesn't live here anymore. You do now, this is your house just as much as it is mine ok? And I want you to feel like that and make this your home too." Quinn could see the pain behind the brown eyes as Santana remained strong and offered a smile, the blonde's chest fluttering a bit and her eyes welling as she leaned in for a hug.

"Thank you Santana," she whispered, "That-that really means a lot to me."

"Yeah, okay, house rule number one? No more after school specials," Santana spoke up as she pulled away from Quinn, "And house rule number two, no crying."

"You're awful," Quinn said flatly as she ran a finger under her eyes, "So awful."

"Stop being so emotional Fabray, you're killing my mood."

"I'm sorry alright, but that was the nicest thing you've ever said to me!" Quinn exclaimed as she pushed herself up, "I had to let it sink in and savor that, its not often you like me."

"I still don't like you, I just hate your mom that much," Santana grinned evilly as Quinn scoffed, the blonde picking up an old pillow and slinging it at the other girl while laughing. Dust and God knows what else flew off the worn cushion as it collided into Santana's hip, Quinn holding back her laughter as Santana coughed and squirmed around.

"Quinn! I hate you!" she screamed as she brushed debris from her face, "I'm gonna kill you, I'm so gonna kill you!"

"You'd have to catch me first," Quinn teased as she began to run around the room, Santana growling and chasing after as she tripped and fumbled over old boxes and bags.

"Fabray!" she hollered as she watched a flash of golden hair disappear out of the door, Santana sprinting out and watching Quinn vanish down the stairs.

"You can't catch me, you can't catch me!" Quinn was singing from what sounded like the kitchen as Santana bounced down the stairs, walking through her dining room and standing in the doorway as she glanced around.

"Quiiiiinniiiiie," she called out slowly as she scanned the floor and looked under the table, "Come out, come out, wherever you are." She bent down and slowly began opening the cabinets as she continued to taunt the blonde, her search for her in the pantry coming up empty as she turned around.

"Quinnie Fabray, where'd you go?"

"Over here!" Santana turned around swiftly and was met with the end of her living room pillow, Quinn giggling madly and revving back as she smiled.

"Oh you're dead," Santana pointed as she slid towards the counter and grabbed the first canister she could reach, opening it furiously and tossing its contents towards Quinn as she howled. White grains filled the air and Quinn's hair as sugar fluttered from the canister all around the two girls, the counter, floor and Quinn now covered in the sweet crystals.

"No, you, didn't," Quinn huffed as she shook her shoulders and watched sugar roll off of them, Santana leaning over and laughing hysterically as she dropped the container, "Oh its _so_ on." Scrambling to the refrigerator and jerking it open the two of them began grabbing random containers and opening them furiously, throwing whatever was inside at the other as they squealed and squirmed.

"Santana!"

"Quinn!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!" The battling continued as some sort of pasta was flung into Quinn's hair and she shrieked, charging for Santana but slipping in a puddle of pudding and sliding into it on the floor.

"Oh my God!" she laughed as she reached her hands up to see them covered in brown goo, Santana bent over and holding her stomach as she cackled, "This is disgusting! Santana! Eewww!"

"Qui-I-I can't," the brunette snorted between laughter as her cheeks flushed red and her stomach pained, "It's-oh my God-it's too much…I can't breathe, I can't breathe!" Quinn took a handful of the brown gunk and chunked it at her friend as Santana ducked to miss it, getting down on her hands and knees and crawling to Quinn as continued to giggle.

"Aw, poor Quinnie bear," she cooed as she ran her fingers up across Quinn's forehead and pushed away the bangs that were now stuck together, "Don't like it very much when its you covered in…actually what are you covered in?"

"I think its potato salad?" Quinn answered questionably as she turned her head to examine the goop, "_Was_ potato salad?"

"There's no telling, I haven't cleaned that thing out in months," Santana muttered as Quinn squirmed, flicking the substance off her shirt as she squealed.

"This is gross, I mean I'm actually disgusted," Quinn whined as she looked around the kitchen, the walls, cabinets and counters covered in all sorts of sticky colors and gunky matter as she and Santana shared a groan, "Is there anyway we could just do this tomorrow?" Santana shot her a glare as Quinn batted her eyelashes and shrugged, the other girl shaking her head as she tried to stand.

"As much as I wish we could, it'll probably mutate arms and legs by then…if it already hasn't," Santana groaned as she stood and shook old bread crumbs and sprinkles from her self, "But just to be clear, I totally won."

"_As. If!_" Quinn corrected as she waved her hands, "I totally won that round. As in, beat you to a pulp. With pulp, literally, there are orange peels in your hair."

"I thought something smelled good."

"Edible arrangement, now totally gone," Quinn smiled as Santana pulled the remains of the fruit from a curl of hair, throwing it at Quinn and laughing as the blonde jumped.

"You can think what you want Fabray, but I got this in the bag. Like you have unidentifiable things growing on your skin and it isn't guacamole."

"Shut up, that's nasty!" Quinn screamed as she danced around and shook her arms, Santana pumping her arms in victory as she stepped carefully around puddles of mushed food.

"One Santana, none Quinn."

"Well now that depends," Quinn pointed out as Santana halted, turning to face the blonde as she frowned.

"On what?"

"On who gets to the good shower first." A silent moment passed between them before they both hurled themselves for the stairs, pushing and shoving the other as they clumsily climbed up each one.

"Move!"

"Suck it!"

They continued to battle the other as they screamed and laughed their way onto the second floor, Santana tripping Quinn on the carpet and bursting into her room as she opened the bathroom door and danced.

"I wiiinn, I wiinnn, I-I-I win!"

"No. Fair!" she could hear Quinn bellow from the hall as she finally appeared in the doorway, out of breath and shaking her head as she dismissed Santana's claims, "Judge rules invalid."

"On the grounds of…"

"Cheating, foot offense," Quinn pointed as she wiggled the leg Santana had kicked in her haste, "Ruling is thrown out."

"Judge is overruled, call counts," Santana nodded as she smiled wildly, Quinn played along as she stomped her foot and snapped her fingers.

"Close call."

"Truly was," Santana shrugged, "So looks like I'm getting the awesome shower while you're stuck with the scary, cold one downstairs. Good luck!"

"As if," Quinn sighed, "I'll just wait, covered in gunk, on your bed."

"Like hell you are, its fine," Santana dismissed as she waved her hand and headed into the bathroom, taking her jacket off casually as Quinn stared in confusion as to what she had said.

"Huh? I missed something."

"It's cool," Santana clarified as she slid off her shoes and began tugging her socks off, "We can share." Quinn stared blankly as she tried to figure out if her ears were deceiving her, not getting her hopes up so soon as she sputtered.

"So-so then-I mean you wanna-"

"We can share, the shower," Santana repeated as she motioned to the shower while tossing her belt on the tiled floor, Quinn sure her heart had stopped as her body quivered, "I mean it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before." Quinn didn't speak for a moment as Santana stared at her questionably, the blonde trying to pick her jaw up and string together something coherently as she jerked back to the present.

"No, right, yeah, of course," she laughed awkwardly as she waved her hand around nonchalantly, Santana giving her a puzzled look as she furrowed her brow, "It's-I mean its not a problem, no, I just-I didn't know if that was-like if that was what you meant, you know?"

"Ok," Santana laughed sarcastically as ignored the blonde's weird attitude and unbuttoned her jeans, Quinn growing faint and swallowing hard as the brunette reached to unzip them.

Quinn's eyes followed Santana's hands as her thumbs slipped between the taught skin of her stomach and bottoms, her fingers pushing down on the denim as she wiggled her hips out of them to reveal her black boy shorts. Her fingers continued to run down her dark skin as she pushed her jeans off the rest of her legs and stepped out of them, lightly kicking them to the corner of the bathroom before moving her hands to her shirt.

Quinn's eyes were still fixated on her legs until Santana's arms moved and her nails gripped the bottom of her tank, the brunette arching her back and stretching out as her hands pulled up her thin top. Her smooth stomach, perky chest and gray bra were quickly exposed as she tugged her top up and above her head, her hair falling scattered around her shoulders as she sighed. It had been somewhere between the shifting of her hips and bouncing of her breasts that Quinn had lost her ability to function, the way Santana's bra pressed against the flesh of her chest having made Quinn draw blood as she bit her lips. Her hungry green eyes were now scanning the other girl's body as they traveled up and down the bronzed skin greedily, the freckles around her belly button and the valley of cleavage having made Quinn's body and reflexes do odd, abnormal things.

"Well are you getting in like that?" Santana scoffed as she crossed her arms, Quinn's ears registering that she was being spoken to and trying to send her brain the signal as she peeled her eyes away from the brunette's thighs, "You ok?"

"Huh? Wh-oh, me, yeah of course," Quinn sputtered as she tried and failed to use her motor skills, racking her brain for an excuse as she fumbled, "I thought-I um, I think I heard my cell. Yeah, my phone, it-rang?"

"Oh, I didn't hear anything," Santana commented as she turned towards the door, Quinn's eyes automatically zoning in on her backside and a groan slipping through her lips as she saw the skin of her bottom peeking out from beneath her panties, "Are you sure-"

"Yeah, it's a-this, like, weird ring," Quinn chuckled clumsily as she carefully pushed past Santana, forcing her eyes to look at the wall in front of her as she ignored the way Santana's bra straps fell off her shoulders, "I'll-I'll be right back!" She quickly scampered past Santana as she sprinted through her bedroom and down the hall, pushing the door to her still cluttered room open and shutting it behind her. She knew she looked ridiculous and that she had been nowhere in the area of smooth but the pounding in her ears and fear in her throat had taken over, Quinn groaning and resting her face in her palms as she cursed herself.

Quinn had been ignoring it for a while now as she dodged the voices in her mind and the reactions of her body, having spent the past few weeks disregarding the signs and tuning out her conscience. She had played naïve to herself and the thoughts that had filled her head, Quinn acting as if she would somehow be able to outsmart and play her own being. There was no way around it though, not anymore, not after this, all those flutters and giddy smiles, skips of her heart and slurred speech no longer being able to just get chalked up to coincidences as she breathed it in and out. She had completely and madly, totally and utterly in the most tragic of ways, fallen head over feet for one Santana Lopez. Her feelings and thoughts for the brunette were wild and passionate, consuming and ever present, Quinn having become such a smitten kitten that some days she couldn't even roll out of bed without her mind fleeing to visions of Santana or her smile.

The delayed and painful realization had made Quinn feel uneasy though as she slumped down the door and rested against it, her mind finally freed as it ran rampant with ideas of Santana while her conscience shook its finger at her. There was no way, no way in hell that anything would ever, _ever_ become of her feelings, much less to share them with Santana. For starters there was their past, the fact that Quinn wasn't gay, at least she didn't think so but who could be sure anymore, as well as the fact that they were just friends. Sure, they had a little fun at cheer camp that one time and had kissed on drunken occasion, but they weren't into each other like that, at least they weren't supposed to be. The elephant in the room then made its presence known as Quinn felt her stomach sink a little as she looked at a picture of Brittany smiling at her as it rested on an old shelf, the blonde's eyes seeming to pierce her own as she felt her body shift uncomfortably. There was no way she could feel these things for Santana, and absolutely no way she could ever act on it, the idea making her feel as if she was betraying Brittany from beyond the grave. She knew Santana wasn't ready to move on, and not with her anyway, Quinn running her fingers through her hair in frustration as she moaned. She just wanted it to go away, for things to go back to normal and for her chest not to ache as it did, the blonde figuratively smacking herself as she heard Santana call for her.

Jumping up at the sound and turning around quickly her hip smacked into one of the old side tables as it shook and toppled over, Quinn crying out in pain as the contents from the drawer spilled out onto the carpet. Groaning and cursing she quickly bent down to pick them up as she hurried to answer Santana's call, her hands frantically pushing the papers together as she shoved them into the drawer of the table.

"Quinn, you ok?" she could hear Santana's voice ask as it drifted lightly down the hall, Quinn ramming the contents of the folder back together as she called back.

"Yeah, just-just a minute," she yelled as she picked the rest of the paper up and shoved it away, standing and straightening the table back up as she sighed, "I just…" Her voice trailed off as something from the file caught her eye, the glint of a gold sticker bringing her back down to the drawer.

Pulling it open and reaching inside Quinn pulled out the folder and stared at the label, running her finger over the heading as her stomach dropped to her feet. She knew that name, that place and could even remember the smell as she sat inside, her fingers automatically running against the opening of the Allen County Children Services folder and opening it up.

"Hey, Fabray, you alright?" she heard Santana ask as the brunette appeared in the doorway, her smile fading into puzzlement as she saw Quinn's hands and the papers, "Why did you…what's that?"

"It fell. I-I hit it, it fell, I…San were you…were you and Brittany adopting?"


	9. Chapter 9

I'm really sorry it took me as long as it did to update, please forgive me! I think you'll be happy though with the results, so read, review and I hope you all like! Thanks again!

* * *

><p>Santana stood paralyzed in the doorway as she stared at the folder in Quinn's hands, her body growing hot and tensing as the towel wrapped around her lost its feel of protection. Her mouth parted open as she tried and failed to find something to say to Quinn, the blonde noticing the glistening in her brown eyes and instantly throwing the papers down.<p>

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-oh God Santana…"

"Quinn-"

"No, I shouldn't-that's none of my business, don't answer, really," Quinn interrupted quickly as she shoved the drawer back in and quickly fumbled around it, making her way past Santana as she continued to apologize, "I'm sorry, Santana my God, I'm sorry." She quickly brushed past her and headed to the downstairs bathroom as she screamed at herself in her mind, cursing her curiosity and wondering why she had done that.

Quinn knew Santana would always be in the process of moving on from Brittany no matter where she was in her life, and she had been so proud of the progress she had been making lately, all of that shattered now as the future Santana could have had got thrown back in her face. Quinn could only imagine how that had to have felt and what that must have done to her friend as she quickly hurried inside the bathroom and locked the door, flinging open the shower curtain frantically and turning on the water as the sound drowned out her sobbing. She wondered if Santana would even speak to her now and what would become of them living together, Quinn knowing she had truly blown everything she had worked so hard for as she collapsed and cried inside the bathroom.

* * *

><p>Santana was sitting on the couch when the door to the bathroom finally opened, the brunette watching in heightened amusement as Quinn poked her wet, blonde mess of locks out the door, peering around to see if anyone one was there before tiptoeing out in her towel. Santana continued to watch as her friend carefully as she gently made her way out of the bathroom and towards the stairs, waiting another moment before calling out as she hid her grin.<p>

"You know for a minute there I thought I'd have to send the guard in after you," she said jokingly as her voice broke through the silence, Quinn jumping a bit as she spun around, sliding a little and grabbing for her heart as she sighed, "But now I'm glad I didn't, your face was totally worth it."

"You scared-shit, San," Quinn heaved as she tried to catch her breath, her face burning with embarrassment as she sighed, "Sorry."

"What took you so long blondie? Power shower? 'Cause an ass like yours can't possibly take that long to wash," Santana went on jokingly as she crossed her arms and sunk down in the couch, "Cute towel by the way." Quinn suddenly became very aware of her wet, bare skin and tried her best to cover it all as she tightened her towel, feeling exposed and uneasy as she cleared her throat.

"Santana I'm-I'm so sorry about what happened-"

"Quinn, before you start-"

"I know that was none of my business, I know, and I wasn't snooping, swear! I just-I accidentally-"

"Quinn, stop!" Santana interrupted loudly as she held her hand up, "Just-just stop, please." Quinn bit her lip as she squirmed in place, her stomach churning uneasily as she prepared for Santana to ask her to leave.

"Here, come some sit down or something," Santana snorted as patted the couch, Quinn beginning to move but stopping as she pointed to her body.

"I'm-I'm wet."

"Just how I like it," Santana joked, Quinn's face flushing and making Santana regret going too far, "I mean-it's fine, just sit, please." Quinn carefully made her way across the floor without slipping as she sat down uncomfortably beside Santana, avoiding her eyes and staring at her knees as she gripped the edges of her towel.

"So…"

"I know there's a lot I need to explain, and there's a lot I want to explain, and share, and tell you about," Santana began as she sighed, "But first I-I need to apologize to you."

"Why?" Quinn snapped quickly as she slung her head to look at Santana in confusion, her wet hair sending small droplets everywhere as they whipped around, "Sorry, I mean…why? Why would you need to apologize to me?"

"Because, because there's a lot that-that I haven't told you, a lot I've kept from you and it's not right. You're a part of my life now, and you have a right to know all these things about me."

"Santana I respect that though, I respect you, and there's nothing that you should feel like you have to-"

"No, Quinn, please," Santana interjected as she waved her hands again, "It's-it's not that I feel like I have to I-I want to, I want to talk to you. About that, about-everything, really." Quinn nodded silently as she prepared for whatever would follow, Santana adjusting as she looked into Quinn's eyes and smiled.

"You've been here for me, in ways that no one really ever has," Santana began as looked away, "I guess in ways I've never let anyone be. And that's my fault, I know but-I guess I just feel…connected. Like-like you'll understand, like you'll get it. Get me." Santana pulled her legs up and rested her chin on her knees as she tried to think of how to explain her point, twiddling her fingers and furrowing her brow as she went on.

"With Brittany it was always about happiness. About rainbows, and sunshine, and glitter, seeing the bright side in absolutely any and everything, and never being sad because there was so much to be happy about. And I loved that about her, God did I love that about her, and that no matter what happened she always made me feel like everything would be ok. But now, after losing her and going through this, I lost that feeling you know? That comfort and security of having someone be there to make me feel safe." Quinn listened intently as she relaxed a bit and watched Santana search for words, the brunette holding herself together as she shrugged.

"After losing her, I didn't think I'd ever get to have that again, and that I'd always feel…but then-then you happened." Quinn's stomach flipped and fluttered as a smile stretched across Santana's face warmly, her eyes glistening a bit as she laughed.

"You come, barreling out of absolutely nowhere, crashing into my life, and you turn everything upside down," Santana chuckled, "And you pushed me, Jesus did you push me, and you pissed me off and did everything you could to take me out of my comfort zone, and I wouldn't be anywhere near what I am without you."

"Santana that was all you sweetie, not me-"

"It was me, yeah, true, but only because of you," Santana shrugged, "And I know I punished you, and I treated you horribly and said things to you that you didn't deserve, and I'm sorry for that Quinn, I am so unbelievably sorry."

"Santana really, I get it."

"No Quinn, I don't think you do," Santana shook, "I'm never gonna be able to go back to the person I was before, the person I was when Brittany was here, and for awhile that crushed me. But now, now that I can accept that and move on, I can be a new person, start over. I can be the person who doesn't have to depend on someone for their own happiness you know? Finally learn now how to do those things on my own, and that's because of you." Quinn remained speechless as she sat awkwardly with Santana, wondering if she should move in for a hug but remembering how wet she was.

"I-I don't know what to say," Quinn fumbled, "I mean-"

"Say that, I dunno, you'll forgive me, maybe?" Santana asked softly, "For being an ass to you for the better part of your time here? For the better part of the past few years?"

"Santana really, I understand," Quinn smiled, turning her body to Santana and shivering at the cold, "We went through a lot, you had every right to be weary."

"And that, for that," Santana pointed as she sighed, "For holding some stupid grudge over your head for this long, for blaming you for everything. I was depressed, and pissed, and taking it out on you when you were only trying to be here for me has been the dumbest thing I've done to date."

"It's not like we ever tried to talk it out or anything," Quinn pointed out as she shrugged, "I mean I ran away as fast as I could as far as I could."

"I don't blame you though, honestly," Santana murmured, "I mean if it hadn't been for Britt I would've…" Santana stopped herself as she became uncomfortable with what she had said, instantly regretting her words and biting them back as guilt settled in her chest. Quinn shifted awkwardly as the subject stung, the root of what started their problems bubbling on the surface now as they tried to ignore the sore subject.

"San, I never meant that, I didn't-"

"You were right, Quinn, you were," Santana whispered as she avoided the blonde's eyes, focusing her attention on a piece of string on her socks as she snickered, "Everything you said that night…I didn't wanna hear it because I knew you were right, and well, look around, I'm still here aren't I?" Quinn tried to think of something to say as she scooted next to Santana, furrowing her brow and biting her lip as she shook her head.

"I never meant to hurt you, that wasn't what I was trying to do."

"I know Quinn, I know. I knew it then, but it was easier to be mad at you then accept the truth you know? That's always the way I guess," Santana smiled as she readjusted, turning her body towards Quinn and shrugging, "You were just trying to look out for, but if felt like you were, I don't know, trying to tear me and Britt apart."

"I would never do that, and I didn't mean it to seem that way," Quinn tried to explain, "Its just that-I knew you wanted out of here you know? You wanted to go out and do all these things with your life and become this different person, and I wanted you to have that life, you deserved that life San. I just didn't understand that without Brittany none of that would have mattered anyway." Santana thought a moment before speaking as she tried to pick the right words to say, resting her head in her hand against the back of the couch as she spoke.

"At the time, in the moment, she was everything to me. I did every and anything I could to be with her. I had spent so much time fighting for her that when I finally had her I didn't wanna do anything to lose her you know?" Santana asked as she looked at Quinn, "So the idea of leaving for New York, taking that risk of something happening, I couldn't do it, I just couldn't. And yeah, I worked my ass of for that scholarship, and yeah I bent over backwards senior year to make that happen for myself, but-compared to her, it didn't matter, compared to her, nothing mattered." Quinn sat in awe as she listened to Santana explain, wondering if it was adoration or envy causing her chest to hurt the way it did.

"So when I heard you and her talking that night at that party, and you were telling her that, the truth, the things I knew and should have said myself but couldn't…it hit hard. I spent so much time criticizing Rachel for revolving her life around Finn and there I was, doing the exact same thing for Britt, and I was too stubborn to see."

"Well, to be fair, you and Brittany weren't nearly as annoying as Rachel and Finn," Quinn tried to joke, Santana rolling her eyes as she agreed.

"True, very true, but still. I guess I just wanted to hate you for saying what I was too much of a coward to, for pointing out the ugly parts of me and Brittany."

"It really wasn't my place though, good intentioned or not, I never should have said anything to her."

"It wasn't like I was going to," Santana chuckled, "And that's how our relationship was, I bent and bent to make it work. Don't get me wrong, I love Brittany, and I don't regret anything that I did for her and us, I never have and never will, and this isn't me bashing her. It's just, I hate the way I sacrificed everything you know? The way I always felt the need to give things up instead of working things out. Like not going to school in New York and staying here just 'cause she couldn't leave her family. Or never getting married and making it official because of her mom's disapproval. God about anything really, like when we would fight or bicker, I just caved because I always felt like if I didn't she would leave me or stop loving me."

"Santana, honey, no," Quinn cooed as she rubbed her hand, "Brittany would never."

"I know, I know! And it was the same thing with the-the adoption stuff," Santana said softly as her voice cracked, "We-I wanted to-just thinking about it you know? Something to keep in mind, something for the future. Brittany didn't want to, at least not yet, so we waited. I waited. Because she wanted to. Anything she wanted, I wanted." Santana stopped abruptly as she ran her fingers over her lips as she felt a knot of guilt tighten in her gut, wondering if what she was saying was wrong in same way.

"I'm not trying to drag her through the mud Quinn-"

"I know sweetie, I know-"

"I just hate that I never said anything, or spoke up. Our relationship could have been so much better…everything could have been better," Santana murmured as she looked away, quickly realizing her words and correcting herself, "I-I shouldn't be saying this, this is awful. I'm awful."

"Santana no, sweetie its ok," Quinn tried to comfort, "You're not bad mouthing Brittany honey, you're-you're being honest with yourself. Just because someone's gone doesn't mean the problems that you had with them are too. Not saying you guys had problems, no! No, no! Just that people aren't perfect, and being here or not doesn't change that, it doesn't erase anything. You're still here, you still feel this, and you have to have someway of dealing with it."

"Yeah, well," Santana muttered as she shrugged, "I mean its insane right? For someone to do that, to get that lost in another person? But that was me, that was my thinking. I always, always felt like I had to be cautious and protective of her and us, and then in the end, after all that effort, I lose her anyway."

"You didn't lose her San, she's not gone," Quinn tried to comfort as she patted Santana's knee, "And you know I'll always be here, right? No matter what, even if we have another argument that lasts for years I'll still be here ok? Waiting for your stubborn ass to get it together." Santana laughed loudly as she smacked Quinn's hand away, leaning back and sighing as she caught her breath.

"God, hero complex much?" Santana joked, Quinn kneeing her as she waved her off.

"I mean that's my thing, taking on fixer-uppers and trying to change them. Finn, Puck…"

"Oh God, don't get me started," Santana groaned as she narrowed her eyes, Quinn looking at her in surprise as her mouth dropped.

"And what does that mean?" Quinn asked as she leaned forward intrigued, Santana shrugging as she rolled her eyes.

"I mean like you said, Finn was a mess, he didn't know what he wanted, and whenever you and him were together I always felt like he was using you to be popular or something. Granted you were using him right back," Santana glared as Quinn nodded guiltily, "But still, he just wasn't good enough for you, and even when we were at each other's throats we were still best friends, and I didn't want him taking advantage of you."

"And with Puck?" Quinn asked curiously, "I mean you never said anything to me. Well, you did, but nothing about not liking us together."

"Because I was hurt, man," Santana sighed, "I felt like you had done it, er, him, in some sort of revenge against me, to get back at me for something."

"Santana I was drunk, he was a mistake," Quinn explained, "I would never do anything just to upset you, you know that."

"Yeah, I know that now, but I was insecure in high school, I had issues."

"Didn't we all?"

"Valid point," Santana smiled as she pointed at Quinn, "I don't know, I just didn't see you being with either of those assholes. I didn't see you really being with anyone you dated, actually."

"Oh really?" Quinn asked as she leaned back, "So who do you seeing me with?"

"Hm, let me think…" Santana trailed off as she tapped her chin, wiggling around quickly and laying her head down on Quinn's knee as she snuggled into her, "Me! You're stuck with me, forever!" Quinn laughed as she looked down and brushed her fingertips across Santana's forehead softly, her tan skin warm under her touch as she spoke.

"You're probably right though, I'm probably not meant to be with anyone at all. I don't exactly have an awesome track record.

"Oh love and all its baggage," Santana sighed, "How it always pulls everything apart."

"Or finally puts it together," Quinn mumbled, Santana looking up and smiling as she nodded, "But, what would I know?

"That you love me," Santana smiled, "I mean you would have to in order to put up with all my crap this long."

"Very true, very true," Quinn mumbled as she moved her hand and continued running her fingers through Santana's hair, the brunette's eyes closing as her body relaxed.

"Quinn, the point of all this was to let you know that-"

"I know San, I know," Quinn whispered as she sighed, "Back atcha." The two of them sat silently in ease as Quinn continued to run her fingers through Santana hair and up and down her cheek, caressing her softly and sending goose bumps down her dark skin as she closed her eyes. She felt comfortable, truly comfortable, the first time she'd been that way in a long time, and she liked the feel of Quinn with her, Santana's eyes resting heavily and body fully at ease as she sighed sleepily.

"Hey Quinnie, while we're being all deep and getting personal, where do you see yourself going?" Santana asked softly as she finally caught the chance to shift the focus from her, "I mean like future wise, with your career and life, what do you want? Where do you see things heading for you?"

"I…I guess I don't really know," Quinn answered curiously as she thought, her nails running over the dip in Santana's neck as she shrugged, "Well, career wise let's face it, I'd just like a job, but the more I think about it the more I think I'd like to teach."

"Really?" Santana asked excitedly as she sat up, "You wanna teach?"

"Yeah, maybe, I dunno," Quinn shrugged embarrassed, "I just-I always thought of it as an option I had, I mean my degree is enough to get me at least an entry position. Maybe take some education classes and…I don't know, its probably silly."

"No its not! Quinn its not, that's wonderful!" Santana encouraged happily as she disagreed, Quinn surprised by her volume of squeals as she laughed, "You'd be a wonderful teacher! Have you looked around?"

"No, I mean I have at other positions but not along those lines. I guess I could start though, just to see what's out there."

"Uh, yeah, you should. I mean how are you supposed to be my sugar momma if you're broke?"

"Really? So that's what I'm here for," Quinn nodded playfully as she flicked Santana's nose, the movement causing the brunette to scrunch her face as she smiled, "So the truth comes out finally, after all this time. Is there anything you'd like to alert me on so I'm prepared?"

"Well," Santana prepared to rattle off as she tapped her chin, "I like dinner ready when I get home, a nice foot massage after, my bath's need to be boiling hot, and I prefer the silk pajamas to the cotton."

"Noted, dully noted," Quinn nodded as she made a check mark in the air, "Anything else princess?"

"Well, I prefer to be the dominant partner in bed," Santana muttered lowly as she narrowed her eyes, the suggestiveness in her tone sending a charge through Quinn as she widened her eyes, "But we'll get there, we can work on that."

"Oh? We're gonna get there, huh? So you think I'm that easy?" Quinn played along as she leaned in, "That I'll just do whatever you like? Hop at the snap of your fingers?",

"Into my bed, yes," Santana nodded teasingly, licking her lips and grinning as she sighed, "I mean its no secret Barbie, I know how you feel about me Fabray, I know you can't resist." Quinn suddenly felt exposed and bare, as if somehow Santana was seeing her insides and knew all her thoughts and secrets. She knew the brunette had no idea how she felt, or _dear God_ at least she hoped she didn't, and she tried her best not to let her image crack, clearing her throat and stumbling for words as she taunted her back.

"Good heavens, one game of spin the bottle in middle school and all of a sudden I'm in love with you? Its time you moved on San, really, because if anyone is madly in love with anyone its been you with me."

"Puh-lease, you were in lust with me way before we played that game," Santana dismissed as she egged Quinn on, waving her hand and rolling her eyes as she shook her head, "Cheer camp was just the beginning for you, I know it."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure you were the one who drug out those seven minutes in heaven, hun," Quinn pointed out, keeping her defenses high as she feigned her feelings, "I mean, I tried to pull away, but you just would not stop."

"Oh please, you were all up on my thighs!" Santana exclaimed, Quinn growing heated and trying to remember the brunette was only joking as she adjusted, "I mean what was that, huh? Did you mistake me for Finn?"

"I was in the moment, ok? I was 14 and a virgin, what do you expect? My boyfriend was Finn, San, I'd never done more than hold a sweaty hand before that," Quinn cried out as Santana laughed, the blonde trying to keep a straight face as she spoke, "I had all those suppressed feelings that every girl has at that age."

"You mean your bi-curious feelings for me?"

"Exactly," Quinn nodded jokingly as she grew more and more nervous, trying her best to shift the focus back to Santana as she ignored the blush on her cheeks, "Besides, you were the one who kept tugging on my face the whole time! Swear to God I didn't think I'd have lips after you were done with them, all that sucking and smacking..."

"Well, what can I say? You had on strawberry chap stick, it was my favorite," Santana explained seductively as she arched her brow, teasing Quinn with their past as she winked, "And please, you loved it, don't deny." There was something in the way Santana had said her last sentence that made Quinn feel a bit on edge as she paused, the tone and sparkle in the brunette's eye suddenly seeming to hint at something more than just friendly picking. It was more of a knowing nudge, a sort of playful yet serious tone that made Quinn's body jump a little as she tried to read between the lines, their fun little game turning into new territory as she realized Santana too may not just be goofing around anymore. She felt nervous and terrified as she quickly tried to think of a witty response to send the same signal back, swallowing hard and growing brave as she spoke up.

"Oh I'm not, nuh uh," Quinn played along as she finally thought of something clever to throw back, leaning in slowly and stopping her body so that her lips were only inches away from Santana's, "In fact, I still have the chap stick. If you're ever, you know..." It was now Santana's turn to feel the heat as an odd knot twisted in her throat as she was taken back by Quinn's forwardness, now realizing Quinn wasn't just taunting her as she felt an odd tingle beneath her chest.

"You are just so full of surprises aren't you?" Santana asked as she giggled sweetly, trying to maintain her footing in their little game as she too moved in closer.

"Oh Santana, you have no idea," Quinn shot back as her eyes shimmered with mischief, Santana captivated by the flicker in them and wanting to know what it meant as she peered in, "But I guess seeing as I'm your sugar mama now maybe you'll get lucky huh?"

"Well, it is part of the deal," Santana replied lowly as she raised her brow, running her finger over Quinn's knee as she tapped and traced a pattern over the damp skin, "Plus, I sort of opened my heart up to you tonight, so you have to do the same for me. This dependent relationship I want to have with you will only work if you do the same."

"Yeahhh, but Santana I don't think its just my heart you want me to open up for you," Quinn teased slyly, Santana surprised by the abrasiveness of her comment and dropping her jaw a little as she laughed.

"Oh you went there, you so went there," she laughed, Quinn blushing a little as she shrugged, "You just know me too well Miss Fabray."

"I like to think so, yeah," Quinn nodded lightly, "But I have found that there's always room for learning more about a person." Santana could feel Quinn's breath on her lips as her own hitched in her throat, her nails seeming to have a mind of their own as they wandered up above Quinn's knee. She wasn't entirely sure what the hell was happening but she knew she liked the electric feel flowing between them, tilting her head a little and letting her eyes search Quinn's for the answer as she spoke.

"You want me to teach you?" she whispered as Quinn smiled and nodded, her nose now brushing against Quinn's cheek as the smell of coconuts filled her senses.

"Sure, the question is though," Quinn said lowly as she leaned up to Santana's ear and ran her lips over it, "Do you want me to teach you?" Small cold droplets of water had fallen from Quinn's damp hair and had begun to run down Santana's shoulder, the sensation causing the goose bumps that covered her dark skin to stiffen as she bit her lip. Her hands were now resting at the edge of Quinn's towel and she could feel the soft material against her fingertips as she slid her nails quickly underneath it and back, forcing her eyes off the soft skin in the crook of Quinn's neck as she looked down to watch them.

It was then that she noticed the towel Quinn was holding onto and her eyes scanned over the yellow and blue duck pattern that decorated her, her mind falling away from Quinn and back into the moment she had bought them with Brittany. _Brittany_. Her girlfriend_ Brittany_, love of her life_ Brittany_, resting beneath the ground and watching her from above_ Brittany._

"Quinn…," Her stomach dropped sharply and began to churn as Santana backed away from the blonde as quickly as physically possible and jumped up off the couch, Quinn caught off guard by the action and standing too as she stared in confusion.

"San?"

"I'm sorry, I just-I totally remembered my-my deadline, my work-thing-deadline. I'm sorry, I just-it has to be in by midnight and-and-yeah, I'm sorry." Rounding the table in front of the couch Santana quickly scampered around it and headed for the hallway as she waved to Quinn, the blonde's voice halting her suddenly and stopping her in her tracks as she grudgingly turned around.

"Santana, wait though," Quinn had shouted as she walked closer, still clutching her towel and waiting timidly as she spoke up, "We're still ok, right? I mean-everything's fine between us?" Santana tried desperately to ignore the way the towel clung to Quinn's body as she jerked her gaze back up, nodding furiously and offering a smile as she answered.

"Yeah Quinn, of course we are sweetie," she said softly as she brushed her hair away nervously, guilt and lust gnawing away at her insides as grinned, "Promise, we're perfect."


	10. Chapter 10

_Thank you all so very much for all the lovely reviews on my last update! Sorry it's taken me a bit, but I finally got it finished. This chapter does contain some very adult content and warrants an M rating by all means, so please be aware of this, yada, yada, obligatory warning. Anyways, read, review, and hopefully enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!_

* * *

><p>"Quinn, I'm home."<p>

The grocery bags and car keys swished and clanged together loudly as Santana entered the front door and headed for the kitchen, setting the things in her hands down quickly on the counter and wiggling her fingers free as she pulled off her sunglasses. She looked around the darkened kitchen and furrowed her brow as she saw no sign of her roommate, Santana crossing her arms and heading for the stairs as she called out again.

"Quinn? Quinn, you here?" she hollered up the stairs as she began to climb, bouncing up them one by one and reaching the second floor as she headed for Quinn's room, "I got pasta noodles and that spaghetti sauce you like, I figured we could try and make that chicken thing we saw on T.V." Santana looked at Quinn's door as she finally reached it, muffled noises coming from the other side as she listened.

"Quinnie Lou Who, are you lost in wonderland again? What's your problem lady, why are you ignori-" Santana stopped abruptly mid-sentence as she halted in place and froze, a loud moan echoing out into the air from the other side of the door and causing Santana's breath to hitch as her eyes widened. She didn't speak or move or even breathe as she strained her ears to listen out, a few following pants letting her know she had heard correctly.

Stunned and baffled Santana quietly tip toed towards the door as she pressed her hands on the frame and leaned her ear in close, trying her best to hear if Quinn had a partner or was flying solo. A few more groans and gasps continued to escape from within the room but Santana heard nothing to suggest Quinn had a visitor, Santana stepping away from the door and exhaling finally.

She was surprised to say the least as she heard another groan slip under Quinn's door, Santana realizing what was happening was completely normal but shocked that someone as prim and proper as Quinn would let loose that loudly. She knew she needed to leave, to step away from the situation and give Quinn the privacy she was entitled to but as she tried to move her feet she realized they were beginning to do the opposite, the brunette watching in heightened alarm as they moved towards the door and her hand for the knob. She didn't know why her reflexes were acting against her and she tried her best to control them but her curiosity took over as she gripped the knob and slowly turned it, pushing open the door and letting her eyes fall between the crack of it as she peered in.

The sight that met Santana's eyes was one that the brunette knew she would never, ever be able to forget, her brown eyes glued to the figure on the bed as her own body shook. Quinn was laying on top of her covers completely naked and exposed, her back arched, legs spread, breasts bouncing over her bra and body shaking as she stroked herself delicately, her thin dress hiked up around her bucking hips and clinging to the sweaty skin of her thighs as her legs rest wide open while they quivered. The top of her dress was un-buttoned and bra pushed down as one hand clawed at the sensitive flesh of her perky breasts, her nails pinching her hardened nipples roughly as they left red streaks behind. Her other hand had disappeared deep between her thighs as her thumb massaged and flicked her swollen clit, her other fingers easing in and out of her slit slowly as they reached for her spot. Her blonde hair was matted as it lay sprawled out on her pillow while her skin glistened with sweat, Quinn's eyes closed and mouth opened as another sultry whimper left it.

Santana let her eyes travel up and down Quinn's trembling frame as she took in the blonde's body, watching hypnotized as the blonde's breasts rose and fell with every gasp she made. Wandering down the dip in her ribcage and over her smooth stomach that glinted with sweat Santana stopped her gaze between Quinn's legs and watched hungrily as the blonde's fingers disappeared deeper and deeper inside of herself as they glistened, every thrust they made making Quinn shudder as she sped up their pace.

Santana had been trying to hold back her own moans but the sight of Quinn's thumb fondling her clit rapidly as her fingers slipped in knuckle deep between the pink flesh of her slit caused such a stir between her legs that her teeth unclenched her bottom lip and released a low growl, Quinn's head bolting up and meeting Santana's eyes as she stared. Frozen and petrified Santana tried to think of what to say as she fumbled with her mouth for words, her chest tightening and stomach flipping as she parted her lips.

"Quinn-shit-"

"San…_mmm_San," Quinn whined as she continued pleasuring herself on the bed, the brunette's presence not seeming to have affected her and catching Santana completely off guard, "I want you, _oh God_ I want you so much..." Quinn had now begun plunging her fingers in and out of her faster as her body began writhing around her sheets, her squeals and cries growing louder as she began rolling her hips.

"Quinn-"

"I need you Santana, God I need you _so_ badly," Quinn was whimpering as her body began to buck against her fingers and rise up off the bed, her green eyes connecting with Santana's as she pleaded with her, "Please San…I can't take much more, Santana please…"

"Quinn…"

"_Santana_…Santana…"

"Quinn…"

"Santana!"

Bolting upright in her bed Santana gasped loudly as she grabbed her chest with her hand, her head spinning around in confusion as she tried to figure out what was going on.

"Santana, you ok? Santana?" Looking over to her doorway and finally exhaling Santana's eyes were able to make out the figure that belonged to the voice, Quinn's frame now becoming more visible in the darkness as she stepped forward, "San…"

"I'm fine, I'm-I'm fine," Santana panted as she blinked her eyes and rubbed her knuckle into them, trying to make sure she was awake as she squinted, "I just had this weird…just…"

"Bad dream?" Quinn asked as she made her way to Santana's bed and sat on the edge, crossing her arms and smiling sleepily as she listened.

"Uh-mm-yeah, yeah something like that," Santana grunted in frustration as she shook her head, the image of a naked, writhing Quinn still embedded in her mind as she tried to focus on the real, fully clothed one, "What about you, what are you doing here? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, sorry just-the power went out and-"

"The powers out?" Santana asked clueless as she furrowed her brow, noticing the clock on her side table was out and frowning, "Hell did that happen?"

"Probably when the storm started."

"Its storming?" Santana asked as she look towards her window, sure enough seeing rain beating against the pane as the wind blew the trees over outside, "I'll be damned."

"Some dream you must have been having," Quinn chuckled, Santana blushing furiously and thanking God for the darkness as she shifted under her blanket.

"Yeah, ha, right," the brunette mumbled, the area between her legs still throbbing intensely as she tried to ignore it, "So are you ok or…"

"Oh, yeah, yeah I just um, I just…" Quinn trailed off as she bit her bottom lip in embarrassment, her fingers intertwining awkwardly as she thought of what to say, "I'm just not a big fan of storms. They terrify me, actually, and uh…"

"You? Afraid of something? Well that's a first," Santana teased, Quinn swatting at her through the darkness as she squirmed.

"I just-I always hated them as a kid and it hasn't really gotten any better, ok? Don't make fun," Quinn defended as she scoffed, "Anyways I didn't know if you were still awake and maybe wanted to, I don't know, hang out or something?"

"Oh, oh yeah! Sure, yeah, of course," Santana fumbled as she got up from her bed, smiling to herself a little as she ran a hand through her hair. For the first time in…ever, actually, Quinn needed her for something, was actually dependent on her, the shift in their friendship one Santana was enjoying more than she probably should as she adjusted.

"We can uh...play a game or-wow how very middle school of me," Santana rambled as she turned around and reached down for her bedside table, fumbling through it for a candle or flashlight to see as she continued to talk to Quinn, "Or, if you wanna get real crazy, we can find those old, sticky cards and play goldfish! Yeah, awesome." Santana finally found the old flashlight and flicked it on while turning around, the light from it falling on Quinn and causing her to stop mid sentence at the sight. Quinn was on her bed, body fully stretched out and relaxing peacefully in her barely there pajama shorts and tank top, the image too reminiscent of her dream and causing Santana to choke on her sentence.

"Oh-here, you meant-my bed, here…"

"Well, I just figured its already all cozy and warm," Quinn smiled as she pushed the covers down with her feet and proceeded to crawl underneath them, her arms stretching behind her head and resting against the backboard as she snuggled down, "Besides, why go all the way downstairs when we can just rest here?" It took Santana a moment to register everything happening as she gripped the flashlight firmly in her hand, Quinn smiling at her sweetly as she waited for the brunette to speak.

"San…"

"Yeah, sure, sounds good," Santana finally coughed as she flashed her light away, "Works for me." She plopped back down on her side of the bed as Quinn watched her in amusement, Santana's awkward movements entertaining the blonde as she bit back her laughter.

"Nice pj's by the way," she offered sweetly as she ran her finger nails up Santana thigh and pointed to the cats covering her shorts, Santana cursing her decision to wear such a stupid pair of bottoms as she blushed, "Kittens, very cute." Santana chuckled as she ignored the tingle caused by Quinn's skin on hers and glued her eyes to her hands, staring at them as if they were the most interesting things ever as she tried to silence the screaming in her head and think of something to say.

"So uh, whatcha wanna do?" Santana asked as she forced herself to finally look Quinn's way.

"Mmm, how about the cards? Hold on, lemme see the light," Quinn mumbled as she reached for the flashlight, snatching it away and beginning to scan the room as Santana scoffed, "What?"

"Rude, I was using that," Santana whined as she reached over and yanked it back, smiling proudly at Quinn's face as she stuck her tongue out, "Sucker."

"Hey! Now who's being rude!" Quinn squealed as she reached over Santana, her hand flailing as it tried to grab the device but was blocked by the brunette, "San!"

"I don't know who you think you are but this is not happening," Santana shook as she leaned away, Quinn's hand now playfully clawing at her at her stomach as it reached out, "Give up Fabray, its embarrassing."

"Give it back! Hey!" Quinn giggled as Santana leaned back onto her, the blonde now pushed down into the covers as Santana laid her full weight on top, "Stop!"

"Like I don't know who you think you are, coming into my house, my bed, and trying to take over my stuff," Santana teased as she pretended to be appalled, her body still resting on top of Quinn's as she wiggled around, "You know how I feel about my stuff Fabray, I get territorial and pee everywhere." The two continued to wriggle and wrestle around under the sheets until their legs had become tangled and arms intertwined, the flashlight having been kicked to the floor and discarded as the two focused on beating the other.

"You're just…the worst!" Santana grunted as she pushed Quinn's arm away from her face and tried her best to pin her legs, the blonde stronger than she looked and able to hold her own as she kicked squirmed, "God Fabray, you lift in your spare time?"

"No, you're just pathetic!" Quinn laughed as she ran her fingers along Santana neck and began to tickle the brunette, gaining the upper hand and pushing the other girl over as she climbed on top and sat on her stomach, "You underestimated me!" Santana squealed and retracted her hands from Quinn's body as she moved them to her neck and tried to peel the blonde's fingers off of her, her stomach aching from laughing so much as she tried to catch her breath.

"Ok! Ok! You win, Jesus you win!" she declared as she put her hands up in defeat, "Just stop, please, it's killing me!"

"Admit you lost," Quinn demanded as she wiggled her fingers and let them hover over Santana.

"Yeah I lost, but only because you cheated."

"Wrong," Quinn sung out as she drove her nails back into the crook of Santana's neck and watched as she flailed, Santana gasping for air and nodding her head as she whimpered.

"Ok, you won! You won, you won!"

"Because I'm the best?" Quinn asked as she arched her brow, Santana nodding her head and agreeing furiously as she smacked Quinn's hands away.

"Yes, yes! Because you're the best, of course!" Santana gave in, finally able to catch her breath and sighing deeply as she watched Quinn smile.

"That's my girl," Quinn cooed as she placed her hands on each side of Santana's, pushing her cheeks together and making kissy noises as Santana scoffed.

"Stop that, stop, you're ridiculous," Santana whined as she swatted at Quinn, suddenly becoming very aware of their positions and losing her focus as she swallowed.

"Aw, are you upset because I beat you?" Quinn asked as she placed her hands on her hips, Santana suddenly wishing they were on her body again as she blinked, "What can I say, I don't lose well."

"Apparently," Santana breathed as her eyes wandered from Quinn's smile to her clavicles, watching as the smooth skin stretched across her collar bone and wanting nothing more than to taste it.

The two of them stayed still for a few minutes longer as they caught their breath and chuckled, Santana's heart pounding so loudly she knew Quinn could hear it. The blonde however seemed more preoccupied with twirling the ribbon on Santana's bottom's that she didn't hear the quiver in the brunette's breathing, a million thoughts filling Santana's head as she tried to sort through them.

Here Quinn was, in between her sheets, on top of her body, giggling and teasing her as if it was nothing, as if it was an everyday regular event, the fact that she was straddling her 'friend' after a 'friendly' wrestling match seeming as some sort of normal occurrence. Santana watched Quinn continue to toy with her bottoms and started thinking about their relationship and how they had always been and always were, noting that even when they first met they hadn't always been normal. There had always been something else, something more, the fact now blatantly obvious as Quinn's finger's traced patterns against her skin.

Santana had just begun wondering if it had just been her or of Quinn had felt the same as well, clips of cheer camp and sleepover's all flooding back. She had come back home for her, chosen to live with her, Quinn's actions making Santana question the motive now. Because what friends did this? What friends acted like this and played like this, Santana now realizing that she'd been acting just as flirty as well. She didn't understand what it meant or what she was supposed to do with it but Santana knew she liked the way Quinn's body felt against hers at the moment, deciding to shove all of her worries aside and figure it out as she rested her hands on Quinn's knees.

"Well, at least I'm not afraid of a little water," Santana teased as she raised her eyebrows, her realization about herself helping her get a grip on the situation as she found her ability to be bold. She wanted to see, just needed to know if it was all in her head or if the fluttering, sputtering mess she was feeling in her gut was real, Quinn opening her mouth widely and gasping a little as Santana's newfound tone caught her off guard.

"Mean! Mean, mean, mean!" she squealed as she put her hands on Santana's shoulders and nudged them, "And here I thought you were being supportive."

"Uh, clearly I am," Santana said flatly as she motioned to their position, Quinn snorting a little as Santana rolled her eyes, "And anyways I don't think you were scared."

"No?" Quinn asked as she crossed her arms over her chest, the movement pushing her breasts up and making Santana's thoughts scatter a little.

"Nope, not at all," Santana stated confidently as she nodded and tested the waters, Quinn scrunching her face as she waited for an explanation, "I think you just wanted an excuse to be in my presence is all. Think that someone may be just a little bit obsessed with me."

"Oh really? You do?" Quinn asked as she arched her brow, leaning her face down a bit and licking her lips as she spoke, "And what makes you so sure of this?"

"I mean come on Quinn, it's a bit obvious," Santana murmured as she leaned up towards the other girl and motioned to their bodies, Quinn looking down as pursing her lips as Santana snickered, "You just can't get enough."

"How so?" Quinn asked teasingly as she squinted her eyes, Santana thinking of how to answer as she shrugged.

"Come on baby girl, look at all you've done to be with me, helping me with stuff, moving in, needing to snuggle me when you're scared," Santana smiled as she tilted her head, pushing herself up and now resting her weight on her hands as she inched closer to Quinn, "It's so obvious that it's a bit ridiculous." Quinn forced herself to laugh but deep down her insides had turned to mush, her body feeling weak and fragile as she threw her hands up.

"You got me, you so got me," she played along as she nodded her head, unsure if Santana was playing or being serious as she smiled, "So what then? What happens now?" Santana hadn't exactly prepared this far in advance and could only shrug as she looked around, nervously wiggling her toes and tapping her fingers against the sheets as she thought.

"Only one thing I can think of," she said lowly as ran her tongue over her lips, the feel of Quinn's breath on them making her own hitch.

"And that is…" Quinn trailed off as her nose grazed against Santana's, her urge to tug the brunette into her and bite down on her bottom lip almost too much. Santana's body was on fire as her forehead leaned against Quinn's, the moment they'd both been waiting for presenting itself abruptly. She knew this was it, the prime freakin' opportunity to admit how she felt and confess that something was totally going on between them, Santana trying to move her lips but nothing coming out. She was terrified and a little nauseas at the thought of what Quinn might do if she acted on her gut, all the convincing she had just done slipping away slowly as she spoke.

"To make you my bitch, duh." Quinn was completely caught off guard by the comment and it took her a moment to react as she realized Santana had gone back to merely joking with her, shaking her head and smacking her hands loudly against the skin of the other girl's shoulders as she pushed the brunette down. She didn't know what she had honestly expected her to say and she cursed herself for being so ridiculous, falling back into her playful mode as she forced out a laugh.

"Santana!"

"I'm kidding Q, I'm kidding!" Santana defended as she placed her own hands on top of Quinn's, gripping them tightly and squeezing them lightly as she wiggled around, "You know I don't mean that."

"Well I don't believe you!" Quinn smiled painfully, watching as Santana's fingers rubbed her own and growing agitated.

"Oh come on, get real," Santana said as she narrowed her eyes, "You know I don't think of you like that."

"Yeah?" Quinn asked a little more annoyed than she meant, "Then how do you think of me?" Santana didn't reply right away as she lay beneath Quinn, her mind going blank and tongue numb as she looked away.

"You know, you're my Quinnie," she whispered, "My…" Quinn bit her lip as she watched Santana fumble around with words, her lips moving but nothing coming out as she thought. She wanted her to say something, say anything really, realizing though that the silence proved Santana was just as unsure as she was.

"And you're my Tana," Quinn finally spoke as she eased the situation over and saved Santana from herself, taking her finger and gingerly poking the brunette's nose as she rolled off.

The two of them lay together side by side, neither knowing what it was that had just happened but positively sure it had changed things. For Quinn it was realizing the girl next to her felt something for her and for Santana it was just realizing she felt something at all, that same old gnawing pang of guilt emerging again as she swallowed hard.

"I think it stopped raining," Quinn whispered softly as she shifted her eyes towards Santana, pushing herself up to rest on her elbows as she smiled politely, "Guess I'll head back to my own bed."

"Yeah, yeah ok," Santana nodded as she smiled back, waving her fingers as she watched Quinn climb off her bed and head for the door, "Night Quinn."

"Night San," Quinn smiled as she pulled the door to, closing it softly and slumping against it as she cursed herself.

* * *

><p>"So yeah, what do you guys think?"<p>

Blaine and Kurt could only stare in shock as they finished listening to Santana recap her previous night with Quinn, neither boy having been aware of what was happening but totally in awe as they shook their head.

"I mean, I just-I don't even-"

"I think the phrase you're looking for is holy shit," Kurt interrupted as he placed his hand over Blaine's, setting down his coffee and leaning across the table as he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me until now something was going on with you and Quinn?"

"Nothing is going on-"

"Bullshit."

"Ok, nothing was going on with Quinn," Santana corrected as she put her hands up, "But after these past few weeks I'm pretty sure that…God, I don't even know."

"Well, first things first," Blaine chimed in, setting his drink down as well and growing serious as he looked at Santana, "Before thinking about Quinn or how she feels or whatever, how do you feel? I mean, do you like her?"

"This isn't high school, Blaine."

"This isn't complicated, San," Blaine shot back, Kurt raising his eyebrows and resuming sipping his drink as he let the two of them talk, "I mean you either do or you don't, and from all the worrying you've been doing I'd say you feel something. Not sure what, but it's a something."

"I mean, yeah, I-I guess," Santana answered weakly, "Not that I guess, I know, I know I feel something for her."

"Haven't you always?" Kurt mumbled into his drink as he shifted his eyes away, Santana glaring at him and leaning in as she cleared her throat.

"What was that Hummel?"

"Nothing, nothing, didn't say a thing," Kurt answered as he turned his head, Santana looking over at Blaine as she arched her brow.

"I think what Kurt means is that there's always been a sort of…connection with you guys. I mean you've always had this feisty sort of push and pull."

"Well, yeah, but that's just because we're, you know…"

"Madly in love?"

"Go, go away," Blaine snapped at Kurt as he motioned for him to leave, Kurt smirking to himself and giving up as he stood from his chair, "Go get another coffee, go eat a bagel, just go."

"Fine, fine fine fine," Kurt nodded as he twirled around, "But Santana you need to realize that if there really wasn't something going on we wouldn't be here right now. You wouldn't be asking us for advice and freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out!"

"Aren't you?"

"Kurt!"

"I'm gone." The two watched as the smaller boy skipped away and disappeared into the crowd, Blaine turning back to Santana and raising his brows as he clicked his tongue.

"He has a point."

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying."

"You're worse than him."

"Oh come on," Blaine smiled as he tilted his head, "Santana it's ok, you know that right?" Santana stared back blankly as she scrunched her face in confusion, Blaine grabbing her hands and leaning in as he cleared his throat.

"I'm gonna say this and you're not gonna like me for it, but regardless I need you to not get mad at me ok? But what I think is happening to you is that-I think that you may be feeling guilty for wanting Quinn."

"Woah, slow down and back it up, who the hell said anything about wanting Quinn?" Santana snapped, "And even if I di-regardless of that, why the hell would I feel guilty about anything?" Santana asked in un amusement, Blaine biting his lip as he prepared to answer.

"Because I think that you feel like you're cheating on Brittany by having feelings for Quinn, that you're making a mess of this on purpose so you can call it complicated and move on instead of dealing with the fact that you have feelings for someone who isn't Brittany. And I feel like you're using her death as an excuse so you can say you aren't ready to move on when you clearly are." Santana tried to pull her hands away as she opened her mouth to snap, Blaine pulling her back down and motioning for her to stay quiet as he explained.

"I know, I know, you hate me right now, but Santana you need to hear this-"

"No, fuck you, I don't."

"We need to talk about this San, about you and how you may have accepted that Brittany's gone but you still won't let it go, not completely."

"Because it's your excuse for everything I do!" Santana yelled, people around them starting to stare as Blaine tried his best to calm Santana, "You always make everything I do or say about Brittany, about how I can't or won't do this because of Brittany this or Brittany that. I've moved on Blaine, I'm ok."

"Are you? Really Santana, are you?" he asked as he raised his brow, "Because you realize you're allowed to be, right? That you're allowed to go back to living a normal life again, that just because Brittany's life ended yours doesn't have to too."

"Fuck you."

"Fine, but I'm right, and if I weren't you wouldn't be so pissed off now would you?" Santana remained silent as she watched Blaine groan, running his free hand through his hair and sighing as he looked back towards her.

"Santana I love you, God do I love you, but you keep punishing yourself-"

"I'm not punishing myself!"

"Let me finish San, please!" Blaine begged, Santana groaning as she rolled her eyes and waved him on, "What I mean is that I think-I know you feel guilty. Guilty for moving on and guilty for being happy when you think you don't have any reason to be." Santana remained silent as she looked at everything around her but Blaine, chewing on the inside of her cheek as he squeezed her hands.

"Santana it's going on a year now since Brittany died, and while I'm not sure what the whole grieving process time period is, no matter what you're allowed to be happy again. You're allowed to be happy hon, allowed to let yourself move on and get your life back."

"I know that Blaine, I'm not an idiot."

"And I didn't say you were, but I think you feel bad for it and you don't have any reason to," Blaine comforted, rubbing his fingers over Santana's and smiling a little as he leaned closer, "Santana you gotta let yourself off the hook. You have the rest of your life to live, and maybe it isn't going how you planned but maybe, if you let it, it'll go how it's supposed to." Santana could feel her face growing hot and her eyes became hazy as she swallowed hard, Blaine moving around the table to sit beside her as he wrapped his arm around her.

"We all miss her San, everyday we miss her," Blaine whispered in Santana's ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder, "But at the same time, we have to keep going, we have to keep living, and that includes letting yourself feel again and loving other people."

"I know that, I know."

"So then stop beating yourself up and just let go!" Blaine hissed as he squeezed her shoulders, "It's ok if you don't know what's happening or going on, but don't ignore it and walk away from it!" Santana snorted as she watched Blaine wiggle his eyebrows, running a finger under her eye as she chuckled.

"It's just scary, y'know?" she mumbled to Blaine as she finally met his eyes, "To go from thinking you've found the person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with to losing them completely. I never thought I'd ever want anyone else, and then all of a sudden there's Quinn!"

"She is a force," Blaine smiled.

"I just-I know it's ok to move on, I really do, it's just hard."

"Maybe it's not though, maybe you're just making it that way?" Blaine asked, Santana nodding and shrugging as she sniffled, "San if she's been putting up with you for this long and taking your crap without leaving, she must care about you."

"Ass!" Santana laughed as she smacked Blaine's chest, "Total ass!"

"Just saying," Blaine defended as he put his hands up, "But really, if everything you said has been happening then I think there's definitely something there and you just need to come clean. Just tell her all this, y'know? Be honest."

"It is apparently the best policy," Santana nodded, Blaine pressing his forehad to hers as he smiled.

"So we're good?"

"Eh, we aight," Santana whispered, Blaine rolling his eyes and pulling Santana close as he pecked her cheek, "Ugh, I love you."

"I love you, too."

"And everybody loves me!" Kurt cheered as he reappeared at the table, holding up two more cups of coffee and grinning ear to ear as he joined them, "So everything's good?"

"Everything's great," Blaine smiled, "Yeah, Santana was just on her way home to talk to Quinn, weren't you?" Santana inhaled sharply as she nodded her head and grabbed her things, standing up slowly and finally exhaling as she slid her chair in.

"Yep, here goes nothing."


End file.
